I am here alone. Missing my husband more than I have for awhile. Looking to the future - not just the next new year. Looking at the horizon - what is ahead? It is so strange to look with a long view, since all we have is this moment in which we sit - the NOW. Yet, I am compelled to attempt that long view - what is ahead? What is my destiny?
When you lose your mate, one of the things that happens is your dreams, your hopes, the future you were building, die with that person. It takes so long to begin to regain the desire, let alone the ability, to think about the future in any coherent fashion.
When Tom first died, my mantra was, "just give me a postage stamp sized piece of ground on which to place my feet, so I can move forward." That was just enough to put one foot in front of the other and most days, it was impossible to stay in the present for very long.
Here today - what are my dreams? What do I want? Where am I going? What is my future? The one thing I know for sure, life is transitory - I could be gone in a flash. The other is - life is precious.
Tonight is a night for reflection, for reading, for talking with friends on the phone, cooking a few nice things to eat and a great bottle of California Chardonnay to open. I will be back to blog later. The most important thing at this moment - this NOW is
to tell each of you that visit here, thank you my friends - how you bring meaning to my life, how I value you - I send love and good wishes to you on this last day of the year. May next year hold all blessings and joy for you. Happy New Year.
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered: "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, "they are inseparable."