Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween

BOO - this is my "ghost" jack o' lantern - it is one of those white punkins - I am such a kid. I love carving jack o' lanterns! This is a sacred night for many - the night where the veil between the living world and those who have passed over is very, very thin.

Blessings and fun.........

Listening to the Still Small Voice

"How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown."

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Friday, October 30, 2009

Remembering Michael

Today is the one-year anniversary of the passing of my dear friend, mentor and brother in spirit, Michael Groh. Michael was a unique, dynamic and adventurous soul - a true entrepreneur, a brilliant strategist and (at times) overwhelming presence. I was fortunate to meet Michael in 1993, right at the outset of my tenure as the Executive Director of a statewide child abuse prevention organization. Michael had been involved since the late 1970's as a supporter, consultant, advisor and co-creator of bringing this *at the time* very special parent-driven program to our state.

After our first lunch, Michael volunteered to become an advisor to the me and to the organization, which was experiencing very serious internal problems. He not only served as an advisor - he became our strategic planning consultant twice in the nearly 10 years I served the organization and helped us to develop a more positive culture in the early days. He was on hand to help identify obstacles to success and brainstorm possible solutions but he also ALWAYS helped to point out and to celebrate our successes no matter how big or small. Michael was good at calling BS and good at helping us think new thoughts.

On the personal front = Michael became my friend. He supported my decision to leave the organization and helped me to see my way to developing this consulting business that lives and thrives today as the Dendros Group. We had many, many lunches - especially sushi - and many, many long phone and park bench conversations over the years. We were there for one another in our individual loss and grief journeys - we were present and stood witness to many personal triumphs and achievements. I miss him dearly.

Today - I celebrate Michael's life. Michael worked nationally and internationally for more than 40 years helping nonprofit organizations and their leaders make tough decisions, formulate and implement strategy, develop strong income streams, and most importantly step into and live up to their highest aspirations. Michael - thank you for being in my life - it was and remains a blessing. Rest in Peace. You live in our hearts forever.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

500 Posts

The fourth anniversary of this blog was in June. Four years.

I began this blog journey in the dark - in a raw place of loss and grief. When I began to write I never thought about anyone else reading - I just needed a place to pour out the hurt. I needed a place write my heart. The blog was a place to prove I was still on the earth and to cry out for the one who had left me behind.

In four years I have been transformed. In four years I have found you - my blog buddies, my friends, my sisters and brothers in sorrow. I have found new hope. I have learned to laugh again. The past few months my posts have been quite sporadic even so, I love this blog and I love each of you who have held my hand, given me encouragement, shared your own life journeys.

So tonight - Five Hundred Posts. I am struggling a bit right now and yet I know - that everything I need is right here - I need to continue to listen to my heart - follow my intuition - I send my love and hugs across the miles between to each of you.

Om Shanti.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Changes Upon Changes

I have been reorganizing my house - that has required that I look through many things - boxes of photos, vacation mementos, silly little gifts tucked into the corner of a drawer, theater tickets safely hidden in a jewelry stand --- all the things that bring Tom so close inside my heart.

Yes, some of the reorganizing is like a new wind blowing through the house and some of it evokes memories so vivid that they lacerate my heart. Forget the new wind blowing for a minute.

Next month will be five years since his Angel Day - five years, one half of a decade. Yes, I know he is dead - that's right he is dead.

All I can say tonight is --- is I want MY husband back.