The past two months have been amazing. Hurtful at times and joyful at times - isn't that life as it is? I have reorganized my house - rearranged the living room furniture - packed all the guy's things that had accumulated over the past two years - organized my studio for easier writing, painting, collage, and other creative endeavors and just plain tried to redesign my life for the road ahead.
Two weeks ago I went on a solitary, spiritual retreat in a rural retreat center northwest of the Twin Cities. I was there Wednesday through Sunday - silent and solitary in a small hermitage in the middle of a great pine forest. It was transformative. I slept, I ate, I walked in the woods, I read, I drew, I walked in the rain, I wrote, I reflected on my life in the present. It was transformative - oh wait, I said that already. But it was.
I came home with a peaceful center in my heart. I came home with love in my heart. I came home in gratitude for all my blessings and blessed I am. I came home with a new idea for my future........
I am thinking about making some rather large changes in my life in the next 18 months. Not retirement - that sounds yucky - but refinement. Taking more time to do what I want! Being able to give more of my time and only working for pay a few months a year. A very big change is definitely on the horizon. I am excited - I always thought I would work until 70 at least - I am young, strong, healthy and do enjoy what I do for a living and now something else shows itself on the horizon.
A refined life - what does that mean??? It means having time to wake up and do nothing. It means giving of my time to causes I care about - including (especially) The Grief Project. It means taking a daytime yoga class - walking in the woods - writing, disciplined writing. Or it means doing nothing, if that's what strikes my fancy.
I means the biggest transformation in my life since Tom died. Whenever I think about it I am filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation (and a tinge of fear too) - I am preparing to step out into the next great adventure of my life. Another Journey to a New Life. There is much more to come...................
I like the sounds of that and will be interested in hearing what you end up doing with it :)
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you ...... and for the peace, love and gratitude you feel.
ReplyDeleteThat's huge.
And very, very wonderful.
:)
exciting anticipation! i called it retirement and never looked back. oh, the thrill of owning my time from morning through night. lazy, busy, whatever i choose. very happy to read this and so glad you are moving on down the road. good for you!
ReplyDeleteThe hope and anticipation you share here fill my heart with love for you. We've been walking a long, hard road together for a long, hard time, and I delight in seeing this new path that is opening before you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but I feel that I do. your post is almost exactly how I feel. I lost the love of my life on January 11th 2012. It has been almost a year. I have been trying to live simply and differently for almost 10 years, but it has kicked into High gear in the last year. Stripped my life of EVERYTHING after Suki died. Now have have only what I need to live simply on.
ReplyDeleteI want to tell you I am so proud and respectful of you. I am now walking into the world light, free, and simple. On my own journey of grief. It is hard. But I deserve for once to be happy, simple and free.
Thank you for your post, which I found haphazardly out here on the net. Just by chance. Thanks for the words.