The Long Road and How Sweet is Life

My 2005 Intentions included things like:

1. Drink Water

2. Sleep

3. Read

That was a true survival year. I still do not believe that one human body could produce and shed so many tears.

This year, I look to connection - to gratitude - to living a spirit-filled life. Last year was the year I turned into the wind and set sail for this new land.

Walking the widow-road is difficult. It transforms one in unimaginable ways. It is worth it. Of course, I would give every lesson back to have Tom here by my side - it doesn't work that way. As I take these steps on new soil, on solid land - I am grateful for this life.

Intentions

I generally spend the last week or two of every year deeply reflecting on that year and setting my intentions for the year ahead. This year due to being ill and travel I deviated from my norm, which is good. It is great to break out of old patterns and do something new.

I returned from Seattle in the middle of the night last Sunday and after a few hours sleep began to think about my intentions for the year ahead. I have drafted a poster-sized list as I do each year - this is posted on my office/studio wall. I will share a photo of the finished product when I am done.

One of my intentions this year is Creativity - that is to be more intentionally creative with Soul Collage, writing, drawing, painting and pursuits that inspire and help me more deeply explore my intuitive and spiritual side.

I found this terrific blog by artist Leah Piken Kolidas called Creative Everyday - it is an exceptional blog with encouragement and a challenge to be "creative everyday."

I discovered Leah's blog over at one of my favorite places - Sacred Ordinary - where Fran writes about creativity, spirituality, family and life.

I highly recommend both blogs! And if creativity is one of your resolutions or intentions for the coming year, you will find lots of inspiration!!

I am back at work and getting myself acclimated to the office and serving our clients. This is a tough time for organizations in the third sector - we are concerned about our colleagues who are working to serve those who are most in need. In spite of the harsh economic environment and the stress all around us, I feel optimistic that we will develop new ways of doing things that can lead to lasting solutions.

Here we are in a brand new year with a new President about to take office. I am hopeful and grateful. I know we all have work to do to make a difference. Together we can make a difference.

Happy New Year

I send my wish to each of you for a peaceful New Year. May all your dreams come true and may we build community together in this difficult time. Hope abounds - blessings to you.

Happy Hanukkah

This photo is my friend A - who is the son of my business partner. He is a beautiful boy with a sensitive soul. The candlelight and expression on his face say so much. Hanukkah the festival of light.

I am finally on the mend. Today is the first day I have felt better. I am preparing to depart for Seattle early tomorrow morning.

I send you good wishes tonight. Love on wings of gold. Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa, and may we all have a blessed New Year.

Musings

I continue to battle this cold or whatever the bug is - good lord, I have been home recuperating for half of this week - again.

Yesterday, I finally filled the antibiotic prescription given to me last week. That is real desperation, as I rarely take any prescription meds let alone antibiotics. I am being hopeful tonight that I will wake up much better in the morning.

It surely is cold - recently the Twin Cities broke 40 year low temperature records! Between snowfalls, the sun shines brilliantly everyday turning our world into a sparkling wonderland.

I am beginning to prepare for my trip to Seattle - I depart December 25 and will be there until January 3. Woo Hoo!! A real break - not a trip to take care of someone else, which has been the case most of the time this year. We have lots of fun things planned - I will be sure to take photos and post while there.

It has been such a strange time - I just saw a piece on the evening news about the jacking up of interest rates by credit card companies. In the piece, a women who looks like your local retired librarian, said, "I would be better off going to the mob to borrow money." Truly a sign of the times.

I here, just here ----- staying warm and healing. Talk to you soon........

Winter in the Northland

It is just downright cold here in the Upper Midwest. I have been home all morning working but now am on my out to a meeting. It is 2 pm and it is minus three degrees!!!!

It is beautiful outside though. Pristine white - sparkling and clean. I am dressed in layers and am actually feeling better for the first time in nearly two weeks - glory be!! We Minnesotans are a hardy lot!!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Just a quick drive-by! I am slowly healing - back at work yesterday and today (so far). It is bitterly cold here in Minnesota - below zero this morning in my backyard. It feels so good to be up and about after nearly a week in bed!!!!! I was boring myself. Still moving really slowly and taking a bunch of Chinese herbs and such. I will kick this entirely - I am committed.

For those of you in the northland - stay warm. For the rest of you - we don't want to hear it :) - more to come.

We Are One People

Filmmaker Mark Johnson traveled around the globe getting street musicians and others to record part of the track for Stand By Me. Using battery powered equipment and a pocket full of Frequent Flier miles he got tracks from dozens of performers. Each one was able to wear headphones and hear what the other performers had done.

What is Your Blog's Myers-Briggs Type

I found this cool little website, Typealyzer. You input the url of your blog and it gives you a little Myers-Briggs analysis of your blog. My blog is an ESFP, which is different than my personality inventory when I took it as part of my job in the early 1990's. The site is just for fun - try it if you need a quick little diversion.

I am still sick and stayed home from work today - spent the day in bed, napping, reading, sipping tea and playing with my new (gasp) IPhone!! I so hope I awake feeling much better tomorrow. Talk to you soon.

New Look for the Diningroom

I have wanted to "finish" the diningroom since the remodel in 2005 and just didn't get to it until November. I think the new area carpet really finishes the room. (Can you see Miss Kitty under the chair?)

I have an icky cold and am trying to kick it for the second time in as many weeks. I am taking another round of Chinese herbs and have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow afternoon. Here I am - in my fuzzy slippers and big warm sweatshirt just sipping tea and making a big pot of Chicken Soup!!

My time with my friend V was really nice. I am looking forward to my trip to Seattle.

Good news about my mother. She is now out of the walking cast and can move about without the aid of a walker. She also says the doctor doesn't want her to use her cane either. I suspect the doctor told her to use the cane at times but she would never share that with me.

She will begin in-home rehab shortly and has been told that she can no longer do outdoor, fitness walks and should never kneel again. She has healed much better than they expected at her age. I am grateful.

She says she will slow down now and "stop running around like a crazy person" - what that means is Mother spends a great deal of time moving so fast that she is out of her body a lot of the time. For instance, you cannot put even a used tissue in the bathroom waste basket and expect that it will be there in half an hour - she runs around and picks the tissue out of the basket to throw in the trash. Sigh.

Things feel so much better now that I have just relaxed into the now with her. It is her life - these are her adult decisions - there are things she is doing that are dangerous and can have far reaching negative consequences for her - still, those are her adult decisions.

It is very cold in St Paul - we are back in our boots and gloves. I put the small shovel and the window scraper in the car this afternoon. Winter - I love living in four seasons, it is good for the body and soul.

Talk to you soon...................

Time to Relax and Enjoy

I am taking nearly one week off from work and it is glorious. My friend V is here and we have been having a very nice time together. Thursday, I cooked a wonderful small dinner for just the two of us. Friday, my dear friend Lisa came for dinner and we laughed, talked, ate and enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Exercise is important to both of us and nearly everyday we have done a good joint workout - cardio and pilates.
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It snowed overnight and we awoke to a beautiful world of a quiet, white landscape. Deb is here doing a massage for V right now and I am going to roast a lovely boneless prime rib and open a terrific bottle of Cabernet for dinner. Just some quiet time of talk, laughter, watching movies, reading and relaxing.

I have decided to go to Seattle in December. We are closing the office between Christmas and New Years Day - it is the perfect opportunity to visit. I am flying on December 25 and returning around the New Year. A friend will stay with Miss Kitty and enjoy the house while I am gone.

My mother is mending but slowly. She has a life line button now - the thing you wear around your neck and can push if you need help. That is good. The doctor really wants her to go to in-patient rehab for a couple of weeks but she refuses. We do have a social worker now and that is a comfort. He and I talk frequently and he now visits a couple of times a week.

Mother is certainly not incompetent but she is not displaying good judgment in many of her recent decisions. While I was in California, she began to talk about selling the house - we even met with the realtor. She began to tell her friends and others that it was time to move somewhere that was more accessible given her eyesight and the isolation of Yountville. Now she tells the social worker - she only said all that to make me not talk about the future. These are her adult decisions - she has fallen many times, the next time could be even more devastating. I have stepped back again - I call everyday - I give my perspectives, when asked. I have stepped away from the drama.

I hope you are enjoying your holiday weekend. More later.

Gratitude

Fills my heart and soul. In this time of uncertainty and fear, I am blessed to be surrounded by abundance in so many ways. If you are reading this page right now - I am thankful for you and I send my love and care to you.

Talk to you soon................

Sunday

I awoke yesterday to our first measurable snow - it was a nice surprise. It has warmed up again into the high 30's and so the snow has disappeared - however, it will return - that is one thing you can be sure of here in Minnesota.

I do want to blog about my visit home - there is much to say. I am still reflecting and processing a lot of information and emotion. My friend V arrives from Seattle Tuesday night for Thanksgiving and a week-long visit. I am so happy to take s few days off. Days that are indeed a time of relaxation and fun, I need the respite.

I will blog about my visit to California soon.

Home

I am back in Minnesota. I had an uneventful flight and am happy to be home to sleep in my own bed tonight. The time at home was very stressful but I think we made some progress. I have photos and more to write but not tonight. Tonight my little kitty is happy to have me home. I have a good book and an early to bed evening planned.

Talk to you soon...........

Forever in Our Hearts

What a lovely smile. Tom was as nice as that lovely smile. A true gentleman. We all have so many terrific memories to hold and comfort us. This photo was taken one evening after work as Tom and I were preparing to have a little cocktail and talk about our day. The little rituals that made life so worthwhile. It is a pleasure to share this photo.

Thank you my sweet blog friends for your love and support. When I look back to mid-2005 when I began this blog, I was one big open wound. The pain leaps off the page and sears the skin off my face.

You have stood witness to my growth and transformation. You have held me in your thoughts and cyber-arms. I am so fortunate and I am filled with gratitude that I have found this community.

Thank you and I send my love to each of you. The adventure continues.........