Saturday, November 15, 2008

Forever in Our Hearts

What a lovely smile. Tom was as nice as that lovely smile. A true gentleman. We all have so many terrific memories to hold and comfort us. This photo was taken one evening after work as Tom and I were preparing to have a little cocktail and talk about our day. The little rituals that made life so worthwhile. It is a pleasure to share this photo.

Thank you my sweet blog friends for your love and support. When I look back to mid-2005 when I began this blog, I was one big open wound. The pain leaps off the page and sears the skin off my face.

You have stood witness to my growth and transformation. You have held me in your thoughts and cyber-arms. I am so fortunate and I am filled with gratitude that I have found this community.

Thank you and I send my love to each of you. The adventure continues.........


  1. Your "remembering....." post series is very emotionally moving. I think it's probably healthy for you to finally release the thoughts of those days as you're doing. You seem to be letting your body/mind/spirit guide your grieving process as I am doing.

    I've tended to be somewhat reclusive on a personal level, especially when connecting on a face-to-face basis with new people since my husband's death. That, too, is gradually changing for me as I am somewhat of a gregarious person who delights in meeting new people, ordinarily. Guess I've just needed the distancing such as blogging provides, though this Internet experience fosters an unusual degree of intimacy which seems to the contrary.

    Interesting how we each move through our grieving process in similar but, also, quite different ways. I've written quite extensively about my own loss, but have only posted selected portions. There just seems to come a time when we can write and when we want to share, I guess.

    I think I gained some momentum toward a willingness to share on my blog when I finally realized I was now comfortable enough to read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking." This was many months, maybe even a year or so after the book's publication date of which I was aware even before it was released. I did not want to read it then, just as I did not want to watch "Schindler's List" in a movie theater and instead wait until I could see it on a small screen with DVD.

    Also, I make no effort to do anything special on the date of my husband's death though thoughts of him invariably come quietly to mind. I become aware of a strange restlessness the days surrounding, but especially before his death. I choose to focus my attention toward him on his birthday. This was a conscious choice from the beginning and just feels very comfortable for me.

    Thinking of you.....

  2. Dearest Suzann,
    I wish I and Anna could have shared some moments with your dear Tom.

    Believe me when I say, I felt his presence when I had the wonderful moments visiting you in August this year.
    And sharing our true griefs together. Moments I'll never forget.

    You are and will be an unique person for me. Forever

  3. I just love this picture of Tom. He just radiates unbelieveable warmth and love. It has been an honor to be a part of your journey Suzann...and to read your beautiful words from the heart. Tomorrow I'll be sharing another anniversary of the same nature, just a year shy of yours. Still, it's hard to believe as these Novembers roll around, isn't it? Sending you my love, ~Joy

  4. It has been an awesome journey to be with you through YOUR Journey, Suzann....As difficult and terrible as it was and I know, at times, still is---You came through it and one can feel the changes that have taken place. Thank you for sharing your pain and grief in such an honest and tender way....It is this kind of candor and openheartedness that is what touches me about the Internet connections we make, and specifically you, my dear.

  5. What bittersweet memories........

    This wonderful, warm picture of Tom and remembering the evenings I was fortunate enough to be in St Paul, and sharing that little ritual with you both..... remembering laughing around the dinner table, talking of life and philosophy...

    Tom's passing has been a huge milestone in my life, Suzann, as you well know. His love, approach to life, and tremendous plans for your future together inspired me to take the step I had wanted for many years.

    I retired my hated Corporate 'job' of over 25 years and started to follow my dreams.......

    Tom will always be in our hearts and helping us move though the confusion that is present day life. We were all so fortunate to have known and loved him. And I know he is still with us, when we most need his guidance, and his love.

    You are so strong and fortunate, my sister. I love you across the miles and on the wings of the wind....... we are truly blessed.

  6. Suzann, I just read all your remembering posts and I feel so sad that such a great love ended so soon. I'm pretty cynical about romantic love, but what you had was so special. I know it had to be awful to go through all of this--and yet, here you are 3 years later, continuing to heal. And you're right; death does not end love, or sever the relationship.

    I'm sorry to hear your mom is having problems. Is she in California? Sure hope you are feeling better. And I love your new dining room.