So, what is going on? My girl friend didn't come to dinner - that was fine. I ate gorgeous lamb shanks all weekend.
My confession, I have been a recluse this weekend - feeling disconnected. Why? I was so intentional in the first year of the grief journey. Made hard decisions, honored my grief, reached out, tumbled through the turbulence, chose life many times over.
What is this second year? I know Tom is gone. I have made and remade myself - I have remodeled the house, bought the duplex, wept a gzillion gallon of tears, started exercising, finally went to the doctor, learned to laugh again, spent time with friends, see a future ahead - hazy may it be.
This weekend, I am back to wanting to run away from home - yet am paralyzed. So blessed am I and can recount my gratitudes to the nth degree. Yet, I am here today - in my nightgown.
So, here in the second year - I am still engaged in the turmoil of loss. I sound like some people who, "just wanted me to be over it."