Monday, February 27, 2006

Rest Stops on the Journey

Sometime last year (probably right about this time) I was so numb and grief stricken that I actually googled "What to do when you're lost." Now I look back and can truly laugh. It was not funny at the time. My reality so distorted that I was desperate for direction and unable to make meaning of anything.

I believe that the hard work during this journey is finding the meaning for yourself. The grinding pain, while exhausting, can be transformative. I am a different person than the woman I was when Tom passed away in my arms. I know - in the deepest sense of knowing - that life is surely fleeting. I know that money, things, success are meaningless. I know that the vital stuff life is made of are the smallest of everyday things - a small smile shared across a room, a hot bowl of oatmeal shared on a cold morning, a hug from behind, dancing in the kitchen, sharing a cup of tea while listening to music, a cocktail after work shared at the kitchen counter.

I know that healing on the journey is a choice - there were times when I put Tom's picture away for a while because it tore my heart out of my chest everytime I looked at it. Grief in year two is still an everyday companion - sometimes it catches you unaware and momentarily brings you to your knees. Year two also brings times of blessed relief - rest stops. The transformation continues.

5 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post Suzann. Those moments of grief that catch you off guard and bring you to your knees...I know them well. When taking something out of a drawer or off of a shelf triggers a thought or memory of my husband and leaves me sitting in tears. I've survived these kinds of moments, and I suspect I'll survive many more. It definitely IS a journey...and a courageous one at that. I'm really just starting out...feeling my way around. While I may have the love and support of my family and friends...it's still my journey to take. Congratulations on the person you've become...and will continue to become while you travel on.

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  2. I wish I could write as beautifully as Suzann and Joy. If I weren't so old I'd be really intimidated! But there's no time for that. I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. It truly is a blessing. Thanks to both of you.

    Suzann, it's really a coincidence that you are so similar to my daughter-in-law. Almost exactly the same age (she: June 20, l946);
    Same state--at least she was born and educated in MN. You even kind of look like her. (But younger---I hope she doesn't read this!)

    I will continue to take inspiration from your brave and unique life journey.
    All the Best!
    Lucy

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  3. Awesome post!
    Been thinking bout you...
    Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

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  4. Best regards from NY! »

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  5. What a great site »

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