Monday, February 27, 2006

Rest Stops on the Journey

Sometime last year (probably right about this time) I was so numb and grief stricken that I actually googled "What to do when you're lost." Now I look back and can truly laugh. It was not funny at the time. My reality so distorted that I was desperate for direction and unable to make meaning of anything.

I believe that the hard work during this journey is finding the meaning for yourself. The grinding pain, while exhausting, can be transformative. I am a different person than the woman I was when Tom passed away in my arms. I know - in the deepest sense of knowing - that life is surely fleeting. I know that money, things, success are meaningless. I know that the vital stuff life is made of are the smallest of everyday things - a small smile shared across a room, a hot bowl of oatmeal shared on a cold morning, a hug from behind, dancing in the kitchen, sharing a cup of tea while listening to music, a cocktail after work shared at the kitchen counter.

I know that healing on the journey is a choice - there were times when I put Tom's picture away for a while because it tore my heart out of my chest everytime I looked at it. Grief in year two is still an everyday companion - sometimes it catches you unaware and momentarily brings you to your knees. Year two also brings times of blessed relief - rest stops. The transformation continues.


  1. What a wonderful post Suzann. Those moments of grief that catch you off guard and bring you to your knees...I know them well. When taking something out of a drawer or off of a shelf triggers a thought or memory of my husband and leaves me sitting in tears. I've survived these kinds of moments, and I suspect I'll survive many more. It definitely IS a journey...and a courageous one at that. I'm really just starting out...feeling my way around. While I may have the love and support of my family and's still my journey to take. Congratulations on the person you've become...and will continue to become while you travel on.

  2. I wish I could write as beautifully as Suzann and Joy. If I weren't so old I'd be really intimidated! But there's no time for that. I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. It truly is a blessing. Thanks to both of you.

    Suzann, it's really a coincidence that you are so similar to my daughter-in-law. Almost exactly the same age (she: June 20, l946);
    Same state--at least she was born and educated in MN. You even kind of look like her. (But younger---I hope she doesn't read this!)

    I will continue to take inspiration from your brave and unique life journey.
    All the Best!

  3. Awesome post!
    Been thinking bout you...
    Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

  4. Best regards from NY! »

  5. What a great site »