Friday, June 09, 2006

With a Wide Open Heart

This is a time of swirling emotions, deep reflection layered with potent longing and pierced with moments of acute sadness. June is always a time of contemplation and personal assessment. More so this year.

The second year of grief is complicated. It is intense in a way that the first year can't match. The horror has receded, the protective coat of numbness and disbelief is gone.

There are many ways I have moved on. Tom would not recognize this house. I am able to think again. I have regained my confidence in my professional and problem solving abilities. I am filled with gratitude that I was fortunate to know unconditional love.

Above is the tarot card - The Seven of Pentacles - one interpretation is -----

On the Seven of Pentacles we see a man who has labored long and hard in his garden. The foliage is full, the blossoms are out - it seems that his work has paid off. Now he's taking a break to admire his handiwork. How satisfying it is to see such fine results! How rewarding is sweet success!

The Seven of Pentacles is a time-out card. It represents those moments after a rush of activity when we stop to catch our breath and look around. The man in the picture has paused to contemplate the fruits of his own labors, but he could also pick that fruit. In readings, the Seven of Pentacles can indicate a reward that will come your way, particularly as a result of your own efforts. Take it and enjoy.

This card is also a call for assessment. When we're busy, we don't always have time to reflect on what we're doing and why. Are we still on course? Are we getting the results we want? Serious problems can develop if you don't take stock at key moments. In readings, this card suggests that you take the time to be sure you're meeting your goals.

The Seven of Pentacles can also indicate a crossroads. In life, there's a tendency to continue with familiar routines. To go in a new direction isn't easy. The Seven of Pentacles may be telling you to figure out if you need a course correction, or even a complete about-face. You're not yet committed to a certain path, but you could be soon. Change is still possible.

The Seven of Pentacles is not a card of endings or final decisions. The game is not over, but only on hold for a moment. Once you've gotten your breath back and checked your strategy, be ready to jump back in and work even harder than before.

Here is one of my favorite poems - it resonates deep in my soul. The journey continues.

The Seven of Pentacles

Under a sky the color of pea soup
she is looking at her work growing away there
actively, thickly like grapevines or pole beans
as things grow in the real world, slowly enough.
If you tend them properly, if you mulch, if you water,
if you provide birds that eat insects a home and winter food,
if the sun shines and you pick off caterpillars,
if the praying mantis comes and the ladybugs and the bees,
then the plants flourish, but at their own internal clock.

Connections are made slowly, sometimes they grow underground.
You cannot tell always by looking what is happening.
More than half a tree is spread out in the soil under your feet.
Penetrate quietly as the earthworm that blows no trumpet.
Fight persistently as the creeper that brings down the tree.
Spread like the squash plant that overruns the garden.
Gnaw in the dark and use the sun to make sugar.

Weave real connections, create real nodes, build real houses.
Live a life you can endure; make love that is loving.
Keep tangling and interweaving and taking more in,
a thicket and bramble wilderness to the outside but to us
interconnected with rabbit runs and burrows and lairs.

Live as if you liked yourself, and it may happen:
reach out, keep reaching out, keep bringing in.
This is how we are going to live for a long time: not always,
for every gardener knows that after the digging, after the planting.
After the long season of tending and growth, the harvest comes.

Marge Piercy


  1. Suzann...going into the third year without my hubby Larry I sometimes think that he won't know me now, I've changed so much but the one thing that doesn't change is my love I hold in my heart for him...that will never change. Hold tight to those memories you have of your Tom. It really does get easier.

  2. I'm so happy you introduced me to Marge Piercy. I hope you keep posting her work.
    Stay strong dear Suzann and know you are in our hearts!
    PS Blogger is giving me fits---or perhaps it's just my computer---or me---or all of the above!

  3. this post is sooo powerful in its message...your words and the poem both give us a lot to consider. there is so much here for the reader to digest and take. thank you for sharing such important information.

    change is inevitable for us all. those who forge the path are brave and teach us. i appreciate your wisdom and your courage. :)

  4. Wonderful poem, my dear...much food for thought.
    Yes, it surely is a time of contemplation...Each of these Milestone years has it's poignant side as well as it's hopeful side...(Still trying to find that little gleam of hope...I'm finding this a hard 'number' Suzann....)

    I should have a Tarot reading....Haven't done that in about two years...but I really am not up to too many bad-news-challanges (lol), you know?

    I've heard from almost every woman I know who has lost their dear husbands that the second year is harder than the first. This is the first time I have read why? You put it so beautifully Suzann....Thank you for your honesty and heart.

  5. I am a first time visitor, and I am struck by the poignant journey you are taking. Thank you for your beautiful words, and I do hope that you "live as if you liked yourself" because from what I see, there is much there to like.

  6. Your words resonate within, Suzann. Thank you for sharing all the raw emotions that you go thru. Your yard is a thing of beauty and I am excited for your upcoming 60th celebration! You deserve it--and all the blessings that are coming your way. Annie Hall

  7. Hi Suzann ~~ My first visit also, and I like te look of your blog. I found you from Joy. I am so sorry you lost your husband too soon, but glad your attitude
    seems to keep you going. There will be
    lots of times the grief gets you, but I hope not too often. Take care, Merle.

  8. my first visit too. I really admire your generous and lucid soul, and I hope your life finds the glowingness that you seem to emanate.

    I (fortunately) haven't lost my husband, but in three years lost my father and both of my inlaws, and these moments are very painful. I found a poem, I don't know who wrote it, that expressed my feelings.

    Just because I love you so
    I turn to watch you as you go
    without your light I cannot see
    look down, bright sun
    and shine on me.

    I actually do think of my father when I see a marigold, and know his presence is with me, and the light of his bright smile really comes through to me. I feel as close to him as I did decades ago as a child.

    May you and your readers feel peace and happiness.

  9. Hello Suzann. I had to read "Woman on the Edge of Time" by Marge Piercy for a University Arts course in 1984. I had never heard of her but am so glad I read that book. Best regards, Barry