Mid Week Theater Night

Busy, busy week and now I am on my to the theater.

I have wanted to see Wicked and tonight is the night. A board member of my current client has been in Chicago for a few days. As she departed today, she gifted me with this ticket. This is the first time I will have attended a theater performance since Tom died and I am excited to go, even if it is without him. Oh life - it does move forward.

I return to Minnesota on Saturday and I will catch up with my blog buddies and seriously update this blog - I miss my time writing, reading and sharing with all of you. If I have time I will give you a quick update on my evening tonight or early in the morning. Later.

Saturday

It is the weekend. I am leaving for a week in Chicago on Sunday afternoon but for now, I am home. I'm scheduled for a massage at 9:30 am and then errands -- time for pots of Chrysanthemums outdoors.

My neighbor V and I have an incredible container garden in our common walkway outside. We winter over lots of pots in our garages and fill in the edges with tons of changing color throughout the growing season. Time for mums and pansy pots. We both love gardening. It is fun to collaborate on such a rewarding project.

I am practicing good boundaries today - very little work and lots of relaxation and fun. For some reason, I awoke at 3:00 am and have been cleaning, doing my expenses, sheesh, it's 4:30 -- think I'll go back to bed and read/nap/meditate for awhile. Happy Saturday.

Coming up for AIR

Whew - it has been a very long time since I have worked this many hours for so long a stretch. It is absolutely insane. One thing is really clear - even though I have been missing Tom a great deal this week - I have healed and grown in the last 21 months.

This particular client I am working with is in a huge crisis, with money, with programs, with morale, with just about everything. This situation is not about bad people, it is about organizational life cycle. However, it is really stressful. Folks know there will be lay-offs after the assessment - folks know that the cash position of the organization is poor - it is so hard for people to work in an environment of uncertainty and change. It requires leading from the heart and making decisions from your head. I can handle the ups and downs - I can remain enthusiastic and give others hope because I see the potential and opportunities that reside along with the chaos. That's what being a strength-based capacity building consultant is all about.

Even a couple of months ago I couldn't have handled the stress and crisis and kept walking through - so here I am healing, moving forward, and being able to do something again that I am good at and that I love so much. Assisting others to breathe new life into mission and organizational life. I am blessed.

And the day came
when the risk it took to remain tight
inside the bud
was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.

Anaïs Nin

Spikes to the Heart

So nice to be home - very comforting. I went to the Farmers' Market and the Coop yesterday - saw my beautiful next door neighbor walking down the street in Cathedral Hill and we had lunch together. I made fresh tomatoes and corn for dinner tonight - the perfect August meal.

Today feels like summer - yesterday was the first hint of Autumn. Autumn, for most of my life my favorite season. August, the month I met Tom.

I have been struck in my heart again - I miss my guy. It is different, it does not last as long when it happens ----but it is no less aching, no less painful, no less craving - his touch, his laugh, his hand to hold, his hugs and kisses - our life together that is lost. Oh weeping shadows on the wall. My longing knows no end.

Summer

I am home - hooray! It has been so fabulous to sleep in my own bed, wander outside to water flowers in the yard and curl up in my nest - good for my soul and sanity.

Here are newest pictures of O and E - they are all spending the summer at the Jersey shore as Dad is opening two humungous new restaurants on the Board Walk at Atlantic City.

I will be home until Sunday, August 26th and then back on the road for a week. Still busy with the client's work but at least I am busy in my own backyard. Looking forward to catching up with all my blogger friends. Happy Friday.

On my way home

Here I am in the Midway Airport in Chicago waiting for my flight. I am on my way home and am sooooo happy. I have only been home 36 hours in the last 2 weeks. I arrive home about 8 tonight. Hooray. I will be back online and posting and visiting with all of you soon. Hope you have all been well while I have been traveling. Take care.

My Travels.........

Busy in Chicago

I have been in Chicago for two days and it feels like a week. It has been a very interesting and productive time with my client. One of the board members made arrangements for me to stay tonight through Tuesday at a really upscale Gold Coast Hotel - I just got in and after 14 hours of work today - I feel like a queen - big comfy bed, large windows overlooking the city - wow.

I flew out of Minneapolis/St. Paul airport on Thursday morning and it was crazy. I arrived at the aiport at 5:45 am -- not knowing something weird had happened in the world. It was a madhouse - people were standing in multiple lines, all a mile long. By now you know, no liquids, gels, deoderant, lipstick and many other substances and products were allowed to be carried on the planes.

It was the first day of the security measures and big plastic tubs sat everywhere filled with a diverse array of things. We unwitting travelers had to divest ourselves of all suspicious cargo. Contact lens solution, lip gloss, toothpaste, mouthwash, make-up, lipstick and a myriad of other products, piled up, all waiting to be bagged for the trash.

I arrived at my departure gate at 8:15 am. I am grateful, my flight had been delayed - thus I did not get stuck waiting on standby for another flight.

It is interesting how people behave when things get out of whack like that - most people made the best of it - just trying to hang it and be patient and courteous - after all, we were all in it together. Others, were rude to the airline employees - pushy - impatient. I wanted to say, "Take a deep breath, news flash --- we all might miss our flights." Oh well.

I go home Tuesday night and suppose I should give myself lots of time and bring a book to read in line. It will be so good to go home - I miss my nest.

I am here and I am safe - I am tired and have a very nice dinner waiting on a tray for me - talk to you soon.

Still on the Planet

Wow - it has been a very long time since I have gone nearly a week without blogging. I am still in Phoenix - very busy. I actually enjoy being of service to an organization in crisis. (Not that I enjoy they are in crisis) Helping to bring some stability and focus for the staff is an honor - it clears the way for them to be able to generate solutions to their problems. I have been working incredibly long hours - this is always the case in a new assessment and transition client.

I leave Phoenix tonight and arrive in Minnesota about 10:30 pm and leave again for Chicago at 7:30 am on Thursday. I will be in Chicago for 6 days. While I am home, I will give an update of my travels.

I can feel how much I have changed during my grief journey as I embark on this transition work. More later.

So Much Going On

My life is really moving along ------- wow. Our consulting group just signed a new national client and I am going to take the lead and become their interim CEO for a couple of months. That means I will be doing a fair amount of travel. I have not done an interim gig since Tom died. Six weeks before he passed, I finished doing 3 interim/transition gigs over a two year period and was taking a little break from that type of client work.

During my hard bereavement and the acute phases of my grief journey, no one called upon us to do a transition - and now, just when I have moved to a new phase of the journey - we get the call.

So, I will be moving fast --- I leave for Phoenix tomorrow until next Tuesday night - am home one day and leave for Chicago on Thursday morning. The digital camera is going with me and pictures will be forthcoming.

The Universe does take care of us. No matter what I thought in the recent past, I was not ready for the stress and busyness of an interim gig until now. How has the Universe taken care of you recently ----- I really am interested to hear.

Happy Birthday Son

Today is my eldest son's Birthday - the first picture is he and his wife M on their honeymoon twelve years ago - the second was taken last year in NYC with his son E.

I was only 18 years old when B was born and we literally grew up together. I am justifiably proud of the husband, father, son and human being he has become.

It is astounding when our children become the age we were when we felt that dawning of, "oh my gosh, I'm in my 40's - how did that happen?" B is an amazing man - he works hard in the hospitality industry as an executive traveling between three major east coast cities; he is a loving family man, a thoughtful husband and to cap it off is smart, caring and funny.

I awoke this morning and thought about this day 42 years ago - B was born at 12:31 am, it was a Thursday - I was a child myself - but we did it. A couple of years ago, he and I were talking about his childhood and my journey to maturity and a professional career and B said, "well Mom, all I can say is every year it got better."

When B was a little guy, he used to love running around with a towel for a superhero cape - he named himself "Superdog" and for the longest time that was the only name to which he would answer, until it stuck. For quite sometime, B was Superdog to everyone and as the years progressed, became simply "SD." So today, with love, with gratitude and with deep respect, I say, "Happy Birthday Superdog." I love you today and forever.

Quick Update

Wow - what a busy week - my real job is unusually action packed these days. Busy is a good thing when you are a consultant and small business owner but it really interferes with blogging and other pursuits. :)

Just wanted to say that today is my 94th day as a nonsmoker. I am happy and sailing right along. One of the "rewards" that I set up when I began the nonsmoking trip was to buy an ipod as soon as I had saved enough money from not buying nasty icky sticks. I bought my IPod a week and a half ago!!

So empowering to set goals and meet them --- life's challenges make us strong. What goals have you set for yourself recently - I would love to hear.

Summer in St Paul

After a couple of weeks of very high humidity and soaring temperatures, I awoke early to a day that defines why we live in Minnesota. Puffy clouds, blue sky, sunny and no humidity. As soon as I had my coffee I got my body outside.

On my way out the door, I grabbed my camera. The first stop, the Farmer's Market. Here is summer in St. Paul - the market and the Mississippi River. These are the days to remember when we have snow up to our bumms and icicles hanging off the roof halfway to the ground.

In keeping with the beautiful fresh vegetables, I came home and made a lovely batch of Ratatatouille - tiny baby eggplants, little organic zuchinis, fresh red onions, garlic, red peppers, capers, tomatoes, olives, balsamic vinegar and my own fresh basil. Yum -- that and a Caprese Salad is summer dinner at my house in St. Paul tonight.

Angels

From the first steps on the widda road, I have been surrounded by angels - born up in their arms and supported when I could not take one step forward on my own. These angels are not supernatural beings but rather my friends on this earth who have comforted me, held me, checked on me, kicked me in the behind when needed and have been at my side through the last twenty months.

One such angel is JZ - a new person in my life since Tom died. He is not only my friend but the guy who helps me with the heavy outdoor work, including the lawn care at the duplex, and just about any type of routine repair and maintenance that needs doing.

The morning of my birthday party I walked outside and sitting on the patio table were two packages - the wrapping - a gold towel torn in half with a duct tape bow on each. Under the packages was a note from JZ - inside two angel statues that light up. They are old and they are beautiful and they are on my Tom memorial in the office. JZ - sent from the Universe to be one of my angels on this earth. Who are your angels on this earth?

The Minnesota Gathering

What a wonderful weekend - lots of laughter and some tears. Great food, fun and really hot, humid weather. It is amazing to meet people in person to whom you feel so close but have never met outside the virtual world of the world wide web.

This was the special weekend that brought the widows/widowers from GROWW to Minnesota. How comforting to be with others who have walked this painful road. There are things we did not need to talk about because it is in our eyes and forever in our hearts. It filled my spirit to sit with those who have held and supported me through the early, hard days of widowhood. It filled my heart to be able to hug and say, "thank you" to those that made such a difference in my healing. A worthwhile weekend; another blessing on the journey.