Tuesday, April 17, 2007


So difficult to watch my Mom begin this decline. It is becoming more apparent each month - her memory is getting faulty - her balance compromised - she sounds so vulnerable. I speak with her at least once if not twice a day and on the weekend sometimes more frequently. I am planning a trip home May 9-15.

I think she needs to leave California and move closer to me. She is talking about it more and more. There are wonderful age in place Independent Living facilities here. I worry that the winters will be too harsh - but aging alone, even with friends about, is taking its toll. Such a sobering experience.

Much of what I do these days helps to build the foundation for my own 70's and 80's, should I live that long. So much of my mother's life and identity was taken with her beauty (and she was one) and the things that go with that. She also was always on the go - seeing and doing - very social.

She remains a beautiful woman at 80 years old - but she resists, she wants to be 60. Her macular degeneration robbed her of so much of her independence - her ability to drive and to get out and about on her terms. That was a turning point and the beginning of a new phase of life. It takes such grace and spirit to age.

It is my honor to be here with my mother for this part of her life's journey. There is much to pay attention to in the process.


  1. Hello, your site is nice. You have also linked to some interesting blog sites. I hope everything goes well for you. Even on the worst day of my life, when I felt really bad, out of the blue a lady gave me a flower. No matter how bad things feel, there is always beauty if you find the time to look and see. Find that happiness in your hart. Keep up the nice picutres of plants and any mad experiments like lemonaid does not help plants grow nek nek nek! (evil scientest laugh, or so I am told).

  2. Hello again. Sorry for any previous spelling mistakes.

    I am using a word processor this time before I place it on your comment section.

    I was reading quite a few blogs today.

    I had read http://danicarose.blogspot.com a few hours before (along with your site also) and I just got back to your site and you both had plants on the blog sites and both seem to have troubled times, so I wanted to leave you a positive message and for some reason, that plant experiment stuck in my mind and I typed stuff out of context.

    I hope the scientist and lemon-aid stuff did not confuse you.

    The message in general applies to both of you (for different reasons) but I was unable to leave a message at the other site, so you are the only one to gets my comment it would seem. I wish you all the best again.

    I like to look around for web sites or blog sites I can link to from www.geocities.com/mymessages2008 and your blog site happened to be updated when I was searching.

  3. I am sorry to hear of your mother's decline. I hope she will decide to move to an assisted living community close to you. I know how hard it is to watch as a loved one ages and begins to lose independence. I've watched as my father has aged and declined. When I speak to him on the phone I picture him as he once was, strong, clear and energetic. When I see him in person it is difficult to reconcile what I see with what is in my minds eye when we talk on the phone. My heart goes out to you as you travel this road with your mother.

    Peace to you.

  4. It hurts to watch someone you love decline in this way. I know so well, watching my mom until her death last June. You have a massive heart Suzann...filled with love and compassion...I could feel how much you want to be there for your mom and how much you love her. She's so lucky to have you in her life...especially now, when life is taking her to a place that can be very scary. I too spent a lot of time with my mom...especially in the last couple years of her life. Somehow it made it easier, and less scary, for both of us.

  5. I'm sure this must be diffcult for you. I see so many parents and children going through this experience. I think it's especially difficult when memory or other mental faculties wane to any degree as happens for some.

    Sensory loss is especially challenging. My mother had increasing vision problems, eventually developing macular degeneration and I was a support for her for many years, even when she lived independently almost until her demise a few months before reaching 90 yrs.

    Giving up the independence is what I think most of us don't want to have to do. Decisions, moves, changes in your life and your mother's are your challenges now, but you sound as though you are well-equipped to determine what is best for both of you.

    I think you are so correct, there is much we can learn from this process of life with a loved one which has application for ourselves, if we pay attention.

  6. Thank you so much for commenting on my blog. I'm not much of a writer, but when I do, it seems to help me feel better.

    I am hyper-aware of my parents now. I am so frightened of losing them. They have been incredible through out my husbands illness and death. I beg them to take care of themselves and eat better and exercise more.

    You said in your post, "Much of what I do these days helps to build the foundation for my own 70's and 80's..."
    What is your preparation, if you don't mind sharing?

    With Kindness,