Sunday, April 15, 2007

There are no words today

Who knows how you walk this widowed road for so long - rebuilding brick by brick - and then you have a weekend with a huge hole right in the middle of it. I have been alone for these past 30+ months but rarely lonely in the last year. This weekend, I have been lonely - just lonely. Lonely for the person who is no longer here.

Cleaning the garage and putting the pots out front for another wonderful summer growing season. Struck by the wonder of nature = we put those pots away months ago and even in the dark the plants know when to begin the miracle of rebirth and growth.

Struck by the wonder of nature, sweeping the garage, crying - longing for a life that is forever gone. We walk the path and heal - it is a very long journey


  1. Hi Suzann, I'm sorry you had a difficult weekend. I can't begin to understand what it is like to lose a partner, but I do know that painful longing that you describe. I can feel it resonating through your post.

    Recognising the wonder of nature makes it difficult to rage against it; yet acceptance brings sorrow and sadness. I hope you find something to lift your heart today.

  2. I'm sorry to hear how your week-end went. Mine wasn't very good either; so maybe it's something in the planets that aren't quite right. i know some think that's silly but often it's amazing how many people feel down, disappointed or angry or a set of other emotions and all at the same time. I am sure that it's a long process to healing from a loss as major as yours is. Have you seen 'What Dreams May Come' with Robin Williams. It's really about your experience and the connection of the other side to us-- different thought it is. Of course, it's imaginary but it's a beautiful look at something your words today reminded me of.

  3. Hugs Suzann...
    I wish I could tell you that as time goes by it does get easier (and it does in some ways) but I think there will always be times when that feeling comes over just have to do what you did and stay busy and not stay down in that black hole..
    Friday was such a day for me...four years ago that day my Larry passed away and I still miss him more than words can just know that you aren't really alone, there are others out there that understand just how you feel and if I could take that hurt away I would...but then sometimes I think that is all that I have left of Larry and as long as I can still feel that longing for him a small part of him is still with me...cry all you helps the soul...

  4. Looks like you had a drug spammer visit just waiting for a lonely person's post. Anyhow, sorry you had a bad weekend, Suzann, and I'm sure the weather doesn't help. Even after 22 years single, sometimes a huge loneliness will hit--always on weekends, by the way.

    I bet you just don't believe how many tears can build up sometimes inside a person.

  5. I read the confirmation here, of what I have only begun to find is true for myself, too. I've finally come to grips with the fact these times such as you describe may appear when least expected, for reasons sometimes understood in retrospect, other times not. I accept now they will be a part of the rest of my life and I will not fear them.

    I can only wish you continued healing on your journey, with many pleasures in this new and different life.