Sunday, April 22, 2007

What Was Isn't

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Tom's birth - not his birthday. Hard to celebrate the birthday of a dead person - but tonight he and I (his picture anyway) are commemorating the date with a perfect, cold Sapphire Martini with bleu cheese olives and a lemon twist. The appetizer is a wedge of Rogue River Blue cheese, aged 12 months in grape leaves, spread on a warm multi-grain roll.

The asparagus, which is now roasting in the oven in extra virgin olive oil and kosher salt, will be dressed with a squeeze of lemon. The main course is roasted center cut of King Salmon with microgreens splashed with walnut oil and pear balsamic vinegar. The wine selection is yet to be made.

Making peace with what was and what isn't is a major task of the grief journey.

Today as I did Tom's favorite spring yard chores, I tried my best to recall what we did together on his last birthday, when he was still in his body. I could not remember. For a bit it made me crazy (rake those leaves, carry that mulch, muscle that hose reel up the hill) and then I just relaxed. Life is mysterious -- what was, isn't and what is - IS.

I am here, I am alive, I am walking my life's path for as long as I am to do so. Life is more meaningful since Tom died - coming to terms with death is enormous - we are all born to die - until then we get to have birthdays and until then one of our earth tasks is to live right here in this moment - it is the only one we really have.

I raise my glass - here's to you Tom - what a gift your life was to so many. Your love lives on right here!

ps I know I probably cooked steak that last birthday for you - but tonight salmon sounds perfect.

More to come tonight...........


  1. I'm toasting you--and Tom--with a Dr. Pepper, Suzann. He is always gentle on your mind--and sometimes not so gentle. But, you sound like you are continuing to heal.

  2. i will be celebrating tom's life tonight and yours, suzann, for the remarkable example you set, for the extraordinary role model you are for so many. mostly i will be celebrating the love which lives in your heart. the gift of love which you 2 shared was sacred and lives always. your dinner sounds fabulous. i am on my way..... :)

  3. Beautiful Suzann....

    Here's to you both...CHEERS!

  4. What a touching remembrance. I guess we all have to figure out what it is we want to do that will bring us comfort on whatever dates of significance we encounter. I'm glad you were able to approach this special day in the manner in which you did.

    I don't know about you, but I am frequently surprised at some incidental dates and activities that unexpectedly give me pause to remember, in addition to the ones we might expect such as a birth date.