Friday, December 29, 2006
This year is drawing to a close. This past month has been one of searching and inner turmoil. I moved on - giving away the rest of Tom's clothing. Letting myself wander and wonder. Not sleeping and just letting it be - up until 3 am, sleep until 9 am. Me, the woman who is up by 5 am and never uses an alarm. I have just let it be. The transition is playing itself out.
In the early days, widows who had walked the road before me, repeatedly said, "when you're ready." Today, I understand so much better what, "when you're ready" means.
Making meaning of this experience has always been important to me. It was one of the reasons I began this blog, never dreaming that the blog would bring an entire new world to me.
Making meaning. I have not posted in the past few days as I have been doing just that - making meaning of the experience. I will be here over the New Year holiday and have things to post as the year winds downs.
For tonight - the transition is leading me to a new place. I remember when all I wanted was a little postage stamp of reality upon which to place my feet - just to keep from losing my sanity. I stand with my feet planted in the here and now and my heart is full of warm memories of unconditional love. More to come.