Sunday, December 31, 2006

Looking Forward

Continuing with the theme of the last post - when you are ready: the top of the small bookcase in my office, began with a couple of pictures and grew over the last two years into a shrine of sorts to Tom. Angels, crytals, rocks, shells, pictures, quotes, sweet grass wreath, and candles, candles, candles.

This place became a focal point of Tom's spirit for me. Tonight, I carefully packed away all the angels and polished the top of the bookcase.

I love the remaining picture. He is standing in our kitchen one night after work, which was our special time to share a cocktail, talk about our day and reconnect.

I found that picture in a pile of snapshots, after he died. Our brother Steve scanned it and sent it to me named, "Thomas the Great." My sister, Photogirl, used photoshop to clean it up and make it 8 by 10. When I look at that big smile, those beautiful hands - it is just Tom to the core.

A month ago, I would not have thought of dismantling "Tom's spot." Tonight I was ready. What is readiness? I do not know. It is not a certain number of steps on the widda road. I remember in the first year I asked, "how long will it take?" Today, I have no idea what "it" means because I will never be "over" the death of my husband. I am a different woman than the one who held Tom as he made his final journey.

I am ready now. At the end of last year I said, "I am moving to a new seat in the auditorium." Tonight I say, "I am moving to a new auditorium." We create our world with our thoughts - we are connected each of us - and tonight, I am looking forward.


  1. Beautiful and touching post, Suzann...You write about this journey is such a special and wonderful way---you take us with you, though of course, some of us do not know this exact road...I thank you for sharing your wonderful self with me--out here in the blogespheare--and sharing your "Tom" too...
    You are one of the gifts I received in 2006 and I am so grateful for your very dear friendship, my dear Suzann...!
    A Very Happy New Year and much good luck in the journey to a new Auditorium...!

  2. Suzann, I guess the process you describe is your timing for your grieving. If I had been so happily married as you were, I'm not sure I'd ever recoup. Happy new year.

  3. wow - your transitions are just remarkable. thinking of you and sending you happy new year wishes. i think it is going to be a wonderful one for you...i feel it in my bones!

  4. I hope 2007 will be a good year for you, Suzann, one with surprises and new turns where you didn't expect them. It seems to me as though you are growing so much and ready for whatever comes along. 7 is a good number and I think this is going to be a year that reflects that.

  5. So beautiful words, Suzann!
    I hope a Lovely and Happy 2007 to you!