Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Attitude of Gratitude

I have been solitary this past four days. Yesterday, I read the journal I kept every day for the first six months after Tom died. It is scary, the pain leaps from the page and sears the skin off my face. It is only the second time I have read it - the first being last year on November 14th.

So much pain, so much loss and then so much gratitude. Gratitude for having Tom. Gratitude for unconditional love. Gratitude for memories to last my lifetime. Gratitude for children and grandchildren. Gratitude for friends. Gratitude for the angels that cared for Tom and I during those dark days and nights from November 11 through the 14th. The nurses of Woodwinds ICU are an amazing group of women. I will never forget their kindness, their care and their love.

Tom died with dignity and respect. In the last 24 hours of his life, it was less a medical intervention than a solemn farewell - hours sitting in the dark holding his hand. Hours spent lying in bed talking with him in the middle of the night. Friends and family coming to spend time with him. The music he loved, softly playing on CD.

And always - the nurses, there to provide the steady, loving presence to the very end. I am grateful today for each of them. I am grateful today for the angels in my life who continue to hold me as I build a new life, including so many of my blog sisters. I am grateful that I know love in so many forms. In the end of the day, love is all that matters.


  1. No truer words were ever spoken Suzann; and you are very, very loved. Sleep tight sweet soul...

  2. So very true, Suzann....profoundly so, and such a simple thing to be so truly profound, too.
    You write so meaningfully about your loss and your love.
    When you mentioned those nurses that took care of Tom---I remember when my mother was dying she had three round the clock "Specials"....and these women were amazing in their loving and kind in every way...I've never forgotten each of them...and that was over 40 years ago...! And the one dear dear lady cried along with us when my mother took her last breath....Certain things do not leave the memory bank, ever.

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  4. "Lord, I have a problem!"
    "What's the problem, Eve?"
    "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
    "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
    "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
    "What's a 'man,' Lord?"
    "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly, he'll basically give you a hard time. He'll be bigger, faster, and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, But, he'll be pretty good in the sack."
    "I can put up with that," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
    "Yeah well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, there is one condition."
    "What's that, Lord?"
    "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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