My heart hurts

I know this is the best thing. I know it was a long time coming. I know, I know, I know. i am grieving the loss of someone and something that was very dear to me. I will honor the grief. I will walk through to the next place. But damn, it hurts. Just saying.

Done

Here I am - Monday evening.  Sucking it all in.  Mourning the loss of a dream - knowing that this was the best action I could take.

I am happy that I finally posted a photo of him ---- he is was so important in my life.  Saturday afternoon I told him that "we" were over.  I am sad but committed to myself and the future.

More to come...............................

November

I cannot help but begin to mark the days now - 7 days until the fourth anniversary of the day that launched this journey. Each year it is different but inexorably present. No longer a gaping wound - ragged edges barely held together. The pain of loss now is a new type of cell that flows in my veins.

I have integrated my loss - I have walked the path - I have not denied my grief. I have not walked around it. I have walked through it. I am forever changed.

Each year, bring different reflections. Each year, the pain is lessened. What does integrated mean? Tonight, it means that I know death and life are inextricably linked.

Oh, how I miss my tall, tall husband. How I miss the long stride in the hall. The hearty laugh from the den. The kisses from behind. The dancing in the kitchen. The unconditional love. Oh how I miss...................you. Tonight. Forever.