Sunday, October 26, 2008
Where in the World is Suzann?
This has been a hectic time. My client work is interesting and fulfilling yet very time consuming. My friend V arrived from Seattle late Thursday night and we are having a nice time just hanging out - talking, laughing, cooking, watching movies - yesterday, Deb came and we had massages - a nice relaxing time.
My mother had surgery last Tuesday night and was released from the hospital yesterday. She ripped the tendon loose from her knee cap = ouch! It was reattached and she has a cast from her hip to mid-calf. She is getting around with a wheel chair and a walker. Our family friend R is there caring for her right now. Blessings abound! She will have a home health care aid beginning next week. The cast will be on from 6 to 8 weeks and "then we will see." At her age, one does not heal as rapidly - we are all hoping and praying that it heals and she is walking again in a couple of months. We just don't know.
I was scheduled to depart for Colorado on November 9th for another week-long grief seminar at the Center for Loss and Life Transition last night I changed my reservation (Wow, was that expensive!) and am leaving for California on November 8th - I am needed at home. I have no other time on my calendar that I can be away without compromising client work.
I am disappointed about my training - I was so anticipating this next intensive course in the series entitled "Counseling Skills Fundamentals." I was also looking forward to seeing my teacher and being in the community of learners. No biggie, this particular training topic will be given next year - my mother needs me now.
The time has arrived to have the conversation no one wants to have with their parent - we need to make plans for her to sell the house and find a smaller, one level place to live. Of course, the current real estate market makes for a less than optimal time to sell but it needs to be done. I don't think we have to put the house on the market the week I am there - she needs time to heal and to adjust to the idea. There is no more denial - it is a matter of identifying the time frame and getting the real estate agent working on it. I will look at different types of housing options while I am there this time.
This is the thing I most feared, some type of incident that would force the issue. I watched and played a major caregiving role with my dear MIL - she stayed and stayed in her house, refusing to consider a move and when she finally was forced (by dementia) to move out, she could not adjust to the assisted living facility. The end came quickly.
In my mother's case, I think it is prudent to see how she heals, that will inform the type of housing she next needs to find. I have worked very hard at trying to understand - my mother is not incompetent although she has been in denial - she is walking a path that I have yet to traverse (if I live that long). I treat her with dignity and respect, she is not a child. I keep in mind how I want my own children to treat me as the years progress. Oh how difficult it is when you see some things very clearly - I have said for a very long time, "Mom is one accident away from bigger changes that she knows." I am truly sorry to have that come to pass.
The Autumn continues to be spectacular in the north country. This morning we are going to church and then out for brunch and a quick stop at the Farmers Market for the last corn of the season and a big ol' pumpkin for a Jack O'Lantern. Have a wonderful Sunday. One terrific thing is - there is wireless internet at mother's house - I will be able to post some great fall wine country photos.
More to come..........