Sunday, June 22, 2008
Weekend Report
Such a busy couple of days. I spent most of the weekend working in the yard and staining the deck. The deck was a major project. Sweep, scrub, clean between the boards with a scraper, sweep some more, and wash it all down. Let it dry for 24 hours, sweep again and then three coats of stain. Nothing says summer in my Minnesota backyard than a pristine new stain on the deck, lots of fresh basil in the garden and lovely warm, breezy days - they make me happy to be alive. Pictures are on their way.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Just a Quick Drive By
Goodness - here it is Thursday night and no post from me all week. I am doing an interesting, stressful and complex new project - my week has flown. Hope everyone is well - I will catch up over the weekend.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Rest in Peace - A Weekend of Loss
On Friday I came home to learn Tim Russert died suddenly at his desk that afternoon. No warning - a heart attack. An amazing journalist and human being was gone at the age of 58.
This afternoon I learned that Maya's Granny passed away at 2:30 this morning also from a heart attack. MG had been ill in recent weeks still it was shocking to drop by her site to see if there was an update from her family - to learn the news. MG was a blogger with wit, intelligence, humor and definite points of view to share. She will be missed by many.
My thoughts are with the Russert Family and MG's family as they begin to travel the path of loss and mourning. Life is so fleeting - we are here and then we are gone. I believe there is more to this universe than what we see with our eyes. I know our spirits go on. But oh, it is so lonely and hard without those we love on this earth in our arms.
I divested myself of despair
and fear when I came here.
Now there is no more catching
one's own eye in the mirror,
there are no bad books, no plastic,
no insurance premiums, and of course
no illness. Contrition
does not exist, nor gnashing
of teeth. No one howls as the first
clod of earth hits the casket.
The poor we no longer have with us.
Our calm hearts strike only the hour,
and God, as promised, proves
to be mercy clothed in light.
Jane Kenyon
This afternoon I learned that Maya's Granny passed away at 2:30 this morning also from a heart attack. MG had been ill in recent weeks still it was shocking to drop by her site to see if there was an update from her family - to learn the news. MG was a blogger with wit, intelligence, humor and definite points of view to share. She will be missed by many.
My thoughts are with the Russert Family and MG's family as they begin to travel the path of loss and mourning. Life is so fleeting - we are here and then we are gone. I believe there is more to this universe than what we see with our eyes. I know our spirits go on. But oh, it is so lonely and hard without those we love on this earth in our arms.
Notes From the Other Side
I divested myself of despair
and fear when I came here.
Now there is no more catching
one's own eye in the mirror,
there are no bad books, no plastic,
no insurance premiums, and of course
no illness. Contrition
does not exist, nor gnashing
of teeth. No one howls as the first
clod of earth hits the casket.
The poor we no longer have with us.
Our calm hearts strike only the hour,
and God, as promised, proves
to be mercy clothed in light.
Jane Kenyon
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Inspiration
This is the message from Daily Om this morning. Ah, such a good reminder of where I am in my life.
Life Transitions
The Death And Rebirth Of Self
Sometimes a part of us must die before another part can come to life. Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful or, if we don’t realize what’s happening, confusing and disorienting. In fact, confusion and disorientation are often the messengers that tell us a shift is taking place within us. These shifts happen throughout the lives of all humans, as we move from infancy to childhood to adolescence and beyond. With each transition from one phase to another, we find ourselves saying good-bye to an old friend, the identity that we formed in order to move through that particular time.
Sometimes we form these identities in relationships or jobs, and when we shift those areas of our life become unsettled. Usually, if we take the time to look into the changing surface of things, we will find that a shift is taking place within us. For example, we may go through one whole chapter of our lives creating a protective shell around ourselves because we need it in order to heal from some early trauma. One day, though, we may find ourselves feeling confined and restless, wanting to move outside the shelter we needed for so long; the new part of ourselves cannot be born within the confines of the shell our old self needed to survive.
We may feel a strange mixture of exhilaration and sadness as we say good-bye to a part of ourselves that is dying and make way for a whole new identity to emerge in its place. We may find inspiration in working with the image of an animal who molts or sheds in order to make way for new skin, fur, or feathers to emerge. For example, keeping a duck feather, or some other symbol of transformation, can remind us that death and rebirth are simply nature’s way of evolving. We can surrender to this process, letting go of our past self with great love and gratitude, and welcoming the new with an open mind and heart, ready for our next phase of life.
Life Transitions
The Death And Rebirth Of Self
Sometimes a part of us must die before another part can come to life. Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful or, if we don’t realize what’s happening, confusing and disorienting. In fact, confusion and disorientation are often the messengers that tell us a shift is taking place within us. These shifts happen throughout the lives of all humans, as we move from infancy to childhood to adolescence and beyond. With each transition from one phase to another, we find ourselves saying good-bye to an old friend, the identity that we formed in order to move through that particular time.
Sometimes we form these identities in relationships or jobs, and when we shift those areas of our life become unsettled. Usually, if we take the time to look into the changing surface of things, we will find that a shift is taking place within us. For example, we may go through one whole chapter of our lives creating a protective shell around ourselves because we need it in order to heal from some early trauma. One day, though, we may find ourselves feeling confined and restless, wanting to move outside the shelter we needed for so long; the new part of ourselves cannot be born within the confines of the shell our old self needed to survive.
We may feel a strange mixture of exhilaration and sadness as we say good-bye to a part of ourselves that is dying and make way for a whole new identity to emerge in its place. We may find inspiration in working with the image of an animal who molts or sheds in order to make way for new skin, fur, or feathers to emerge. For example, keeping a duck feather, or some other symbol of transformation, can remind us that death and rebirth are simply nature’s way of evolving. We can surrender to this process, letting go of our past self with great love and gratitude, and welcoming the new with an open mind and heart, ready for our next phase of life.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Forever in My Heart
Always and forever - Tom - I have been thinking of you so much. There is a hole in my heart - the eternal longing for you. For your smile, your hugs, your hand holding - our dreams - our life. Gone. Forever.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
A New Look for the Old Blog
I have no idea what got into me tonight. I had no intention of making changes yet here is my new look. I like it a lot.
This is the third lay-out I have used in the last three years. The first was black, black, black - to match the depths of my grief and hopelessness. The next template was light and white. Oh, I do remember how liberating it felt to make that change.
My life transition continues - the look of this blog seems more appropriate now. Still light but with more colors. I like the features on the new blogger templates that allowed me to more easily customize fonts, colors, and add different content to the blog. I still need to add my blogroll and I have some other ideas I want play around with but that is a project for tomorrow night and beyond.
I hope you like my new look - feeling kinda fancy tonight. Now off to bed - Goodnight.
This is the third lay-out I have used in the last three years. The first was black, black, black - to match the depths of my grief and hopelessness. The next template was light and white. Oh, I do remember how liberating it felt to make that change.
My life transition continues - the look of this blog seems more appropriate now. Still light but with more colors. I like the features on the new blogger templates that allowed me to more easily customize fonts, colors, and add different content to the blog. I still need to add my blogroll and I have some other ideas I want play around with but that is a project for tomorrow night and beyond.
I hope you like my new look - feeling kinda fancy tonight. Now off to bed - Goodnight.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Vacation
My friend V arrived from Seattle yesterday afternoon and I am on vacation until next week. Hooray! It is great to have a break from everyday stuff - it is lovely to have my friend with me. He is staying a week - the longest visit we have had together.
We are hanging around the Twin Cities - plans include a trip to the museum, a movie, dinner out, walks around the lake, and whatever else we decide to do - just taking it easy. Having fun and relaxing.
We are hanging around the Twin Cities - plans include a trip to the museum, a movie, dinner out, walks around the lake, and whatever else we decide to do - just taking it easy. Having fun and relaxing.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Memorial Day Reflection
My grandfather served in World War I. He and his two childhood friends enlisted early and went to France. Three young guys from a tiny town in the Cascade Mountains in Washington state - shipping out to the horror of war - "the War to end all Wars."
I do not remember my grandfather talking about the war - I now know that it shaped his life forever in some very negative ways. Grandfather was awarded a Croix de Guerre, which hung in the Legion Hall in Concrete, Washington until my Grandmother died in 1989. His war experience killed his spirit.
My grandfather and grandmother were very involved in the American Legion. One of my early and fond memories is selling "Buddy Poppies" with Grammy. Her quiet example of patriotism, patience and sacrifice are with me today.
As a little girl, I knew the American Legion was important to them. It was a central part of their small town social and community service life. My grandmother served as a long-time President of the Legion Auxiliary. Over the years, grandfather held many leadership roles in the Post and one of them was to have drinks at the Legion Bar.
I didn't know that only two of the original three friends returned from France. Grandpa and Hobbie returned and founded that Legion Post to honor, Arnold Heskett, their childhood buddy who never came home. There is still an Arnold Heskett American Legion Post #132 in Concrete Washington.
My grandfather died in 1962 of complications from diabetes, heart disease and too much alcohol. I am sure the images of his military service were always very close to the surface for him.
It was not until the 1980's when Hobbie wrote about their time in France - that we learned of the terrible things they experienced - learned of heroism, death, destruction, and loss that never left them. It said much about some of my Grandfather's later life.
Hobbie lived to be over 100 years old and has since passed on. Arnold Heskett died in France more than 90 years ago - we are still killing our young people in combat. The beat goes on death, destruction, camaraderie, heroism, loss that will never leave us.
I honor those who serve - we must stop this madness.
I do not remember my grandfather talking about the war - I now know that it shaped his life forever in some very negative ways. Grandfather was awarded a Croix de Guerre, which hung in the Legion Hall in Concrete, Washington until my Grandmother died in 1989. His war experience killed his spirit.
My grandfather and grandmother were very involved in the American Legion. One of my early and fond memories is selling "Buddy Poppies" with Grammy. Her quiet example of patriotism, patience and sacrifice are with me today.
As a little girl, I knew the American Legion was important to them. It was a central part of their small town social and community service life. My grandmother served as a long-time President of the Legion Auxiliary. Over the years, grandfather held many leadership roles in the Post and one of them was to have drinks at the Legion Bar.
I didn't know that only two of the original three friends returned from France. Grandpa and Hobbie returned and founded that Legion Post to honor, Arnold Heskett, their childhood buddy who never came home. There is still an Arnold Heskett American Legion Post #132 in Concrete Washington.
My grandfather died in 1962 of complications from diabetes, heart disease and too much alcohol. I am sure the images of his military service were always very close to the surface for him.
It was not until the 1980's when Hobbie wrote about their time in France - that we learned of the terrible things they experienced - learned of heroism, death, destruction, and loss that never left them. It said much about some of my Grandfather's later life.
Hobbie lived to be over 100 years old and has since passed on. Arnold Heskett died in France more than 90 years ago - we are still killing our young people in combat. The beat goes on death, destruction, camaraderie, heroism, loss that will never leave us.
I honor those who serve - we must stop this madness.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Thank You, Josephine
for leaving your comment identifying the source of the quote I posted this afternoon.
Here is Josephine's comment:
Thanks again!!
Here is Josephine's comment:
Alla Bozarth-Campbell was one of the first women to be ordained priest in the Episcopal church. She was one of Philadelphia eleven: eleven women deacons ordained "underground" by a retired bishop of the church, the canons of which declare "a priest is a priest forever."
The Church National Conference laity had several times voted to accept women as priests, but the bishops continually blocked the ordinations by very slim minorities. Young male candidates for ordination were "striking," refusing ordination, until the Church at large allowed women priests. These eleven women pushed the matter from hypothesis into reality, and forced the Church to deal with it.
She penned this poem, together with various other works and writings.
Thanks again!!
Inspiration
I do not know where I found this quote - it has been in my computer files for a couple of years and I ran across it on Saturday. It is my guiding light at this time. I hope you enjoy it - if anyone knows from whence it came, please let me know.
************************************************************************
Pack nothing. Bring only your determination to serve and your willingness to be free. Don’t wait for the bread to rise. Take nourishment for the journey, but eat standing, be ready to move at a moment’s notice.
Do not hesitate to leave your old ways behind - fear silence and submission. Only surrender to the need of the time to love justice and walk humbly with your God.
Begin quickly, before you have time to sink back into old slavery. Set out in the dark. I will send fire to warm and encourage you. I will be with you in the fire and I will be with you in the cloud.
I will give you dreams in the desert to guide you safely home to that place you have not yet seen….I am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way and to learn my ways more deeply.
Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time. Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you. Some will find new friendship in unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful, and true as the pillar of God’s flame.
Sing songs as you go, and hold close together. You may at times grow confused and lose your way….touch each other and keep telling the stories. Make maps as you go, remembering the way back from before you were born.
So you will be only the first of many waves of deliverance on these desert seas. It is the first of many beginnings, your Paschaltide.
Remain true to this mystery. Pass on the whole story….Do not go back. I am with you now and I am waiting for you.
************************************************************************
Pack nothing. Bring only your determination to serve and your willingness to be free. Don’t wait for the bread to rise. Take nourishment for the journey, but eat standing, be ready to move at a moment’s notice.
Do not hesitate to leave your old ways behind - fear silence and submission. Only surrender to the need of the time to love justice and walk humbly with your God.
Begin quickly, before you have time to sink back into old slavery. Set out in the dark. I will send fire to warm and encourage you. I will be with you in the fire and I will be with you in the cloud.
I will give you dreams in the desert to guide you safely home to that place you have not yet seen….I am sending you into the wilderness to make a new way and to learn my ways more deeply.
Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time. Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth and feel abandoned by you. Some will find new friendship in unlikely faces, and old friends as faithful, and true as the pillar of God’s flame.
Sing songs as you go, and hold close together. You may at times grow confused and lose your way….touch each other and keep telling the stories. Make maps as you go, remembering the way back from before you were born.
So you will be only the first of many waves of deliverance on these desert seas. It is the first of many beginnings, your Paschaltide.
Remain true to this mystery. Pass on the whole story….Do not go back. I am with you now and I am waiting for you.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Identity Theft
That's right - this week I went online and got my free credit report and found an unscrupulous person had my social security number. Over the last 5-6 weeks they had opened 5 different credit card accounts, all with very high credit limits. The cards had not been used to a great degree - YET!
Today, a fraud prevention specialist at one of the banks told me this scenario is common - the thieves get as many accounts open as they can and slowly begin to activate them - once they are assured the cards are valid, they swoop in and start spending.
In my case, the cards were in my name (first name spelled differently)with different male first names (and my last name) as authorized users. The only thing they had was my name and social - EVERY other identifier, mother's maiden name, phone, address, email, was false. I am so fortunate, most of the time people do not know this is going on for months and months. As one bank employee said today, "by the time most people find out what is going on it is such a mess to clean up and your credit is in shambles."
Why did I get the credit report? It is so weird. I worked at home on Wednesday, late in the afternoon I flipped down the flat screen under the kitchen cabinet and turned it on. I was sitting at the center island engrossed in my work (not even aware of the TV) when all of a sudden my attention was drawn to a commercial. The commercial was get your free credit report.
For some reason, in the middle of working on a client project, I thought - "wow, it has been ages since I have done that." I stopped work, went online and downloaded my report. That's when I discovered the identity theft. Whew, angels on my shoulder I guess.
In any case, I have now put a lock on my credit report and have invested a ton of hours in talking on the phone. If you haven't looked at your credit report lately - please do so. I have no idea how anyone got my social - but it is serious and they are without a conscience.
Today, a fraud prevention specialist at one of the banks told me this scenario is common - the thieves get as many accounts open as they can and slowly begin to activate them - once they are assured the cards are valid, they swoop in and start spending.
In my case, the cards were in my name (first name spelled differently)with different male first names (and my last name) as authorized users. The only thing they had was my name and social - EVERY other identifier, mother's maiden name, phone, address, email, was false. I am so fortunate, most of the time people do not know this is going on for months and months. As one bank employee said today, "by the time most people find out what is going on it is such a mess to clean up and your credit is in shambles."
Why did I get the credit report? It is so weird. I worked at home on Wednesday, late in the afternoon I flipped down the flat screen under the kitchen cabinet and turned it on. I was sitting at the center island engrossed in my work (not even aware of the TV) when all of a sudden my attention was drawn to a commercial. The commercial was get your free credit report.
For some reason, in the middle of working on a client project, I thought - "wow, it has been ages since I have done that." I stopped work, went online and downloaded my report. That's when I discovered the identity theft. Whew, angels on my shoulder I guess.
In any case, I have now put a lock on my credit report and have invested a ton of hours in talking on the phone. If you haven't looked at your credit report lately - please do so. I have no idea how anyone got my social - but it is serious and they are without a conscience.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Happy Mother's Day
Mommy, I send my love and kisses across the miles on Mother's Day. I send my two beautiful daughters-in-law the deepest love and respect. How fortunate I am that you are the mothers of our beloved grandchildren, the wives of our sons and daughters of my heart. To all my friends and loved ones - Happy Mothers' Day - the most joyful, stressful, difficult, rewarding role - Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mother -- what a privilege.
Love across the miles to each of you.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Life Transitions
I see a new path emerging before me - it is just ahead and yet still out of focus. Since January, I have been working on being in the moment in my meditations, bodywork and other spiritual practices. In the moment, in the moment - and then this siren song of something just ahead. Things are different after one turns 60 - at least it is for me. I want more time. I want to spend a month in California with my mother. I want to see my grandchildren more often. I want to spend a month in Seattle. I want to get up in the morning and have coffee on the deck. I want to spend more time with my art, my writing and creative pursuits. I want time. This does not mean I want to stop working all together. It does mean that I want to stop working full-time - at least for a stretch of time. A sabbatical.
I have all my classes/retreats scheduled at the Center for Loss and Life Transition. If all goes as planned, I will earn my Grief Counseling Certification in June 2009, opening new doors and new professional pursuits. I want time in the mix of these changes and new experiences. I must remind myself to take a step at a time - a moment at a time - a breath at a time.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
May Day
Good Morning - just a brief check-in before leaving to facilitate a meeting in Minneapolis. My best friend left Monday afternoon - we had a memorable time. Since she departed, I have been busy catching up at work. Hope everyone is doing well - more to come.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)