I'm Baaaaacccckkkk!!

After a year of silence on this blog - I am back.  This has been a pivotal year for me.  The year ahead will be even more transformational!!  I am going on sabbatical during 2014 and when I return I will no longer do much (if any) paid consulting work.  

I hesitate to use the "R word" because retirement paints a picture in people's minds that doesn't feel like where I am headed.  I have a new calling and it is beckoning me forward like nothing has in many years.  It is another ministry of presence, like The Grief Project.   It is too early to write about here - but this will be one of the first places I publicly share it with my friends and loved ones.  

Of course, since I have been silent for this past year, there may not be anyone reading or caring about this miniscule corner of the Universe - so be it.  

When I began this blog nearly nine years ago, I did from the indescribable black hole of recent widowhood.  It NEVER occurred to me that anyone would read it, except for me.  Through this blog so many blessings have flooded my life.  Incredible support and learning.  I have made new connections, soul brothers and sisters - family of choice for the rest of my life.  So, here I am, back to the beginning - out of the black hole, walking in the light - making my dreams a reality.

Lots of adventures to share - lots of reflections to scribe - it feels good to be back.  Peace and Grace.

Glimpses from the Road Ahead

I am feeling better.  I took your advice and kicked off my shoes, had a drink of cool water (and some wine), took a nap, walked in solitude, reflected on my experiences of the past 6 months and tucked all my blog sisters' comments and thoughts safely in my heart.   Moving forward - taking some giant steps, some baby steps - there is momentum and greater clarity.  Thank you.

Here I am at another birthday time of year.  This time of year has always been precious to me.  Time to reflect on the year just passed and the year ahead.  Birthdays have never bothered me much - you know, "OMG, I am (fill in the blank) - I am getting soooo old" - just hasn't been part of my repertoire.   

I am very blessed to be strong and healthy.  I have always enjoyed that irrepressible excitement and enthusiasm for life; the kind of enthusiasm that bubbles up spontaneously from deep in your bones.   

As my birthday rapidly approaches, I don't feel like what I imagined 65 - going on 66 - would feel.  (And no, sixty is NOT the new forty - gack!  It is 60, thank god.)  I treasure the years I have been on this earth.  I feel so blessed to still wake up each morning and have the privilege to learn, grow, serve, make mistakes and still be in my earthly body.   

This birthday is interesting because I can see down the road towards seventy.   It is not a vision in the far distant future.  It is a point that is within reach in a relatively short period of time.   Of course, those of us who have lost people very close to us know, anything can happen in the next minute, but until then - 70 is within my grasp.  

I feel a sense of excitement.  There is something out there just beyond my sight, I do not know what it is.  But I feel it, at times it takes my breath away.  I have no idea if it is personal, professional or a combination of both.  I will quietly and patiently wait.   The vigil and pilgrimage have begun.

This photo was taken on my sixth birthday - 60 years ago, whew!  Thank you to each of you who are still visiting and still reading and still caring about me.  I am deeply grateful that you will to share your guidance and perspectives with me.   Many hugs and much love.  Namaste.

Dreams

I have been dreaming every night and remembering big pieces of these dreams. They are vivid and colorful. Some are about my current client and some are about my future. And still others are about things of which I have no knowledge.

A week ago, I was dreaming that Tom was having surgery and that I was here in bed. "Oh no, I have to wake up and go to the hospital," I thought. Then directly on the heels of that thought was - "Oh no, Tom is not in the hospital, he is at work." As I "went back to sleep" = I was suddenly thrust into consciousness with the thought, "Oh my god, Tom is DEAD!' It was the strangest feeling. I awoke weeping and suddenly it was like it was all new news. I felt devastated and very disoriented.

Dreams - who knows.

I took this rainbow photo last Thursday night from my deck with my IPhone. I wonder what is at the end of that rainbow. Love and hugs to each of you.