Pathways

On November 14th - the third anniversary of Tom's death - I will be facilitating a Board of Directors' special meeting in Minneapolis. The majority of board members are elected officials and that was the ONLY day they were available in the month of November.

Soooooo - my business partner and I will be there and do our work. Last year, I would not have been able to show up and do anything on November 14 - no matter the client.

The grief journey is a bit like being dropped into mental illness. At times you believe you will never survive; at times you do not want to do so.

Yet, through all the pain - you do survive. For a long time, you wait for "it" to be over. One day you realize, "it" will never be over. "It" becomes a missing piece; a hole in your life; a hole in your heart; a longing in your soul.

Gradually, you climb from the dark pit. You pull yourself from the dismal hole of sorrow and bereavement. Then there comes a day, the first flash of acceptance - you awake to realize that you have taken a giant step into the future. "I am alive." That first realization is stunning. And then you take another step forward.

After all, it is the living that have momentum. That have dreams. Hopes. A future.

Forever, I will miss my husband. This week, I have moments that bring me to my knees. This year, I acknowledge, "I am alive."

Blog Tag Lines

When I first started this blog, the tag line under the title was, "When You are Going through Hell - Keep Going." Sometime last year I changed it to, "Walking Through Grief and Loss One Step at a Time."

This morning, I changed it again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and encouragement as I have walked this difficult path. You have each made a difference in my journey and my life. The journey continues.

AHHHHH Autumn

So much news - I saw the Soul Reader today!

It is clear and beautiful - perfect Fall days. Here are a few quick pictures taken at Indian Mounds Park. That is the Mississippi River below. I will do a longer post soon. Promise!

Lovely Weekend

Here in the burnished Autumn. I raked a ton of leaves this weekend. It was beautiful on Saturday and after a week of rain, it was a pleasure to work outside in the sun. There are still leaves on the trees and the colors are fabulous. I will try to take some pictures in the next couple of days.

Today was massage day - always rejuvenating for D to set up in the downstairs and work every kink out of me - really nice after all those hours of leaf duty. Tonight, feeling connected and flexible.

We are taking Qi Gong lessons in our office on Friday afternoons - it is very energizing. It is our Fall Workplace Wellness project. I have been trying to practice most every day. Check out the link to learn more. Relaxing and energizing at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Anniversary alerts: This TUESDAY is my EIGHTEEN MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF QUITTING SMOKING!!!!! Such an accomplishment. I am truly a non smoker.

November 14th is the third anniversary of Tom's passing. Life moves forward, and yet some things will never change. With gratitude and an enduring sense of contentment for all my blessings - I hope you have a terrific week ahead.

Friends and Family

What a lovely group of smilers - this pic was taken at the end of our party on Sunday.

My dearest friends (J and S) departed today. I am home alone - huuummmmmm - it is wonderful to have company. It is wonderful to have this space.

J and S saw Shellie, the soul reader, yesterday in separate sessions. Their experience with Shellie, awe inspiring.

I am blessed - I am filled with gratitude.

Hard to Keep Up Right Now

We are still very, very busy at work AND my bestest friend J and her husband (one of Tom's great friends) arrived Saturday for a visit. We had a very big party today - good food, great friends - I promise I will catch up soon. I hope you all had a good weekend.

One Last Picture for Now

More Outdoor Art

This park is right on the water with incredible views of mountains, islands, West Seattle - just amazing. The fountain has a statue of a child with outstretched arms facing the man. The water "uncovers" one or the the other during its water cycle - just lovely.

I came home feeling as though I had a real vacation - rested and relaxed.

The Beautiful Pacific Northwest

These pictures are of the Seattle Art Museum , Olympic Sculpture Park - what an amazing place. I have more pictures but could not upload, I will leave these here and do another post. Public art is such a gift.

Rainy Friday Morning

...here in the office, alone and quiet. I am working on a client concept paper, enjoying the creative spirit of the endeavor, when I had this small stab of missing you know who and my old life so very much.

Stronger For It

This came in my Daily Om email today -------

October 4, 2007

Mending A Broken Heart

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words.

Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence. 

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us.

The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness. 

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal.

It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for.

Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.