Friday, September 10, 2010

The Past is Approved - The Future is Open

Death is powerful. You do not know what it is like to live until you have experienced death first hand, up close and personal.  I may not be living in the past anymore but it still effects who I am today.

That is a quote from a widow I met on Facebook.   It is so true.   As the years have passed since Tom's death, I have often thought and wrote about this new life and how much it has changed since his passing.  If Tom walked in the door today - he would not recognize the house since it has been remodeled; he would not recognize the backyard since I put in the patio we were planning to add; what else would he not recognize?

The transformation after the death of your life partner profoundly smashes your world.  It shakes everything to its  core - you think, "death doesn't scare me, in fact it hurts so much death would feel better."  It makes you open your doors wide and welcome death in.  It brings you to your knees over and over again.  It shares its truths with you - life is short - those are not just words anymore.  

One thing I know after experiencing "death first hand, up close and personal" is that I can open my heart quite easily to those who need the hand, the heart, the silence, the support, the companionship during their own personal journey.  I also can more easily recognize those who are truly friends and those who are going through the motions.  I have no interest in sharing my heart or my life with those who are unable to give in return.

What else would Tom not recognize?  Would he recognize me?  The new me that has emerged from my personal fiery hell of grief and loss. Would he recognize this life I am living?

The answer is NO.  In the past:  that saddened me.  Today:  it doesn't matter.   There is only one thing I would trade from the lessons and transforming experiences of the grief journey and that is not going to happen.  I am not living in the past anymore - standing here in the present - continuing to live, grow, learn and love.  Thank you for being loving companions on my life's journey - Namaste.


  1. It's a good way to live. We don't have the past and we don't have the future. All we have, ever, is the present.

  2. and thank YOU for being the beautiful soul that YOU are. Love you xx

  3. I love your words, in so many ways describing who I am NOW, so hard to have others understand and have quit trying. Those on this path, no matter how long, share a bond like no other. Thank You

  4. Suzann,
    I'm brutal to say this:
    Change the name of your blog.

    The Beginning of a New Life.

    That is just the truth.
    And I'm very lucky on behalf of you.
    We have talked together about grief.
    But I think we come to a conclusion:
    We can only remember but not change the
    What we can change is our own future, hence as well others to the better.
    As you do, for others and yourself.

    You know I love you as the person you are, and when we all meet in July 2011, I'm sure to meet the "old" Suzann.

    btw. Give me a hint when in July will be the best time... (Must coordinate with family)

  5. Glad you've been able make so many changes. I got so bogged down with this exciting new blogging activity I shot much of my energy on that instead of shaping things up around here in the few years since my husband died. Progress since has been so slow and so much I want to do, but keep indulging myself for all the caregiving years when couldn't do some of these things.

  6. Go with the Flo10/01/2010 7:48 PM

    Whew...good question: Would he recognise me? Yes, I am the woman that loves him, these 5 1/2 years later. I'm also a woman who has spread her wings to fly, forged by my will to survive and flourish without him. He'd have quite a readjustment to this new woman!!!