Friday, October 09, 2009

Changes Upon Changes

I have been reorganizing my house - that has required that I look through many things - boxes of photos, vacation mementos, silly little gifts tucked into the corner of a drawer, theater tickets safely hidden in a jewelry stand --- all the things that bring Tom so close inside my heart.

Yes, some of the reorganizing is like a new wind blowing through the house and some of it evokes memories so vivid that they lacerate my heart. Forget the new wind blowing for a minute.

Next month will be five years since his Angel Day - five years, one half of a decade. Yes, I know he is dead - that's right he is dead.

All I can say tonight is --- is I want MY husband back.


  1. i wish you could.

    i have been missing my mother a lot and dread the visit to GA in november when i will be going through drawers, letters, cards, photos; her absence piercing every moment of my first visit back since her death. just writing that causes my breath to catch a bit in my chest.

  2. Life can be very sad. Maybe this is one more stage on the healing though.

  3. Suzann,
    this evening was very special for me, I think you will discover it is a comment to this post of you.

    My Mother is 90 on Oct 12.
    My Daughter was 32 on Oct 9.
    2009 is the only year my age is twice my daughters.

    I still has my late sons cellphonenumber stored on my cell-phone.
    My daughter gave my mother two photos, in glass and frames, taken on my 60 BD.
    One that made me cry:
    When Ruben and my Mother hugged.
    I was away for ten minutes....
    Even my mother did understand my feelings...

    As written above, we did celeb my Mothers 90 - this Saturday:
    Here you can see Kaya (Ingelin's Man) giving her 90 Roses;

    btw. I have now an iPhone and it has been a problem to convert my phonebook.
    Which means: Can you e-mail me your phone number?
    toraa at yahoo dot no.

    ps. You are welcome to comment on my travel blog. Whish to see in Europe and Oslo next year.

    hugs from
    the other side of the Pond.

  4. Think most of us have moments all our lives when we long for someone no longer with us in this world.

  5. My dear Suzann, first of all thanks for your nice comments regarding my Mothers 90 BD and also Ingelin's 32.

    Ingelin gave my Mother a Photo of her and my late Son hugging each other, on my BD in 2008. I could not keep my tears back.....
    I though about:
    Here is my Mother 90 years of age, and Ruben died just over 40.....

    Have you read the book I'm allmost read to the end: Marian Keyes: Anybody out there?

    Only one kitten left. We will keep it for a while. To special just to give away.
    And we await Ingelin's baby in the very close future. A matter of Days now...

    from miles away in phsysical distance, but yet so close these days.

  6. look at this?
    Hope you can come

  7. There never has to be a just is. Love, love, love from my heart to yours....~Joy