Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Pave Over Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot

Tonight, the longest night of the year. Candles everywhere. For the last twenty-four hours, I have been feeling like Sylvester the Cat after Yosemite Sam shoots him in the midsection with the big cannon. Just a perfect big hole in the middle = can you see daylight, can you see the trees that once were my life?

Crying while driving - not like last year. Intense feelings - in short stanzas.

Where do I fit in this parking lot? A rock? A car? A complacent parking attendant? An old piece of gum peeled off the bottom of your shoe? Maybe I am one of those parking guys that usher you in with a high powered beam = come on, keep movin! Perhaps I am the lucky penny = fallen from one's pocket.

I miss my husband, I miss the life we shared. I miss TOM'S HUMANITY. Your laugh. I miss your appetite for good food. I miss your kisses. I miss your hugs. I miss my tall husband. I miss you, Tom.

What is Paradise? Love? Literature? Dreams? Striving to understand the mysteries of life?

Just here. Making meaning from profound loss.


  1. Enjoyed a lot! »

  2. Suzann,
    you express your feelings and thoughts eminently.
    I'm glad I took the chance and went back in your blog archives.
    It underscores my impression of your from my short visit last year.
    You are unique and share with other people feelings that for most people are hidden and forbidden to share.

    I'm really happy we the way we did, shared our griefs and at the same time could see light in the tunnel.

    hugs across the miles and ocean