Memories...............on Your Angel Day

I shall remember the good times - I shall remember the feeling of your arms holding me - I shall remember the sound of your booming laugh - I shall remember your love and care - I shall remember that we loved and loved, through sickness and health - I shall remember cuddling in bed and dancing in the kitchen - I shall remember driving fast in the Porsche with the roof off, laughing - I shall remember that you always said you would marry from the first day we met - I shall always remember you.  My darling, lover, my flyboy, my friend.  

Grow Up Time

T

My sister, Marilyn, and I.  I have not seen my sister for somewhere around, ummmmm, 35 years.  Yes, that's right, 35+ years.    We will be together this week in Yountville.    

Mother is walking her new path.  We will be with her and with each other.  Shanti.

November

This is the month that brings so many memories.  I am glad that we cannot see the future, no matter what we might wish in hindsight.

It is amazing to me that Tom has been dead for over 3,000 days.   If he appeared before me today, he would not recognize my life, everything is different.  Our home, the City of St. Paul, the little community where we live and most of all our country.  Eight years on November 14th since he flew away.  I miss him and I will always miss him.

My steady Eddy - my husband, my lover, my friend, my flyboy - I love you and never more than on these days of remembrance and love.

Humbled

My life has been a bit difficult recently as I have been suffering almost daily migraines - not always the headache but certainly the aura.  After a couple of months, your brain gets weary.  

I rarely have had any uncontrolled migraine episodes as I am able to control them using bio-feedback.  I had one uncontollable episode in 1994 and one in 2011, in both instances a month on a beta-blocker and I was good to go.  I am now beginning the third month and yes, my poor brain is tired.

And yet, I am so blessed.   During this time, I have forgotten to pause and think about how grateful I am for so many things in my life.  One huge gratitude:  I had a Cranial MRI a week ago (the neuro doc just wanted a look to be sure) and it was "normal".  That's a thing of beauty and something to be very thankful for -- headache, yes - strange things growing in brain, no! 

I am grateful for my business partner, J, who after almost ten years is my family.  Our values, our approach to work and life, our dreams for the future mesh so well.  He is a joy and blessing to my life.

My circle of friends who I adore and who love me in return are so dear to me, thank you for unconditional love.  My sister, Joan and the fact that we now live in the same city, only three blocks apart.

My home.  My little townhouse with the big backyard, the vegetable gardens, the patio and deck for relaxing in the sun or eating an alfresco meal and the 100+ year old cottonwood tree that stands sentinel over all.  How fortunate I am to live here - 18 years, the longest I have ever lived anywhere in my life.

I am thankful for my little cat, Miss Kitty, purring right beside me as I write this - I love her. 

The Grief Project, I am so grateful to be able to be a part of something that holds out the hand of hope and companionship to those who walk the difficult Widowed Road. 

I have never really had health problems - a year or so ago the doctor thought I had a mild stroke, it turned out to be the migraine stuff not a stroke (I am grateful for that).   I had surgery in 1995 but that was over in a heartbeat.  Even with all the things that are going on now, I am fortunate to be as healthy and strong as I am.  I am grateful for my health and for this physical body that has carried me and continues to carry me these many miles. 

I am a blessed woman and I am humbled at how much love I have in my life.  Remembering today to express my gratitude makes me ever more grateful for life.