It has been awhile since I blogged about my mother. She celebrated her 85th birthday on November 15th - alone in Yountville - how she wants it, because she doesn't want any of her friends to know "how old she really is". We now respect her wishes (paranoia) and don't even think of throwing a party to celebrate milestone occasions like turning eighty-five.
My heart is in turmoil - emotions all mixing together inside - frustration, anger, helplessness, anxiety, admiration, and a deep longing to know that she is safe and not knowing where to start and what to do.
Mother is still living in the little house we purchased 2-1/2 years ago when she moved from the big house. My long-time blog friends may recall that Mother is functionally blind as a result of macular degeneration. She has recently been diagnosed with glaucoma. Macular degeneration destroys the central vision - glaucoma, the peripheral vision. It is now a matter of time - unless they can halt the glaucoma. I fear she is not taking the eye drops - recently she stopped taking the blood pressure meds (AGAIN) and had the 200/250 BP at her appointment.
Mom is getting weaker - less able to get around - more tentative. Since she cannot see, there are many things that just aren't as clean and tidy. The fridge often contains spoiled food - and not just a small amount either.
She has an incontinence problem and often you get a whiff of urine. She doesn't eat properly and often has diarrhea - you can imagine the result of that. She is often confused and yet, she has adapted so well that unless you spend a bit of time with her you would not know.
She refuses to have a regular cleaning person - let alone a weekly companion/housekeeper. She is competent and yet is on the edge. There is a wonderful person that I pay to go visit once a week or so to help with bills and such - but that is touch and go (Mom has no idea she is paid). Mom really likes Cathi but is fiercely guarding her independence; I understand as well I can from my 20 years younger perch. "Independence" - what is that? Safety - Health - Companionship - I am so conflicted.
It is very difficult - time to ponder the next steps. Any thoughts??
PS Mom can afford household help - a companion, etc. So it is not about money. :_(