For the past 5 years I have walked the widowed road - often that road was littered with my own broken dreams and the scorched earth of a life forever changed against my will.
I have spent hours upon days in solitude weeping for what was lost. I have spent months and days attempting to make meaning from the journey - the journey none of us ask to take. I struggled to come to terms with being married in my heart and soul to a man who now was dead - and even as I came to terms with it, my arms still ached to hold him and my spirit longed to have him by my side. Yes, the scorched earth and rutted path of the grief journey is filled with pain and sorrow and just when you get your breath, here comes more pain and sorrow.
Slowly I emerged - transformed in a million ways - deeply scarred in places known only to me. November 14 will be six years since my husband passed and I stand here this morning: whole, capable, resourceful, resilient, creative. I will always have a hole in my heart - there always will be times that I long to hold Tom, "just one more time" - I suspect that will not change until the hour of my own death.
Here I stand this morning, my feet firmly planted on my path, knowing that the grief journey is never totally over and yet - I have just been given an incredible gift - the gift of an amazing new person in my life.
A man who has walked his own scorched earth path of the widowed road. A man who is funny - passionate, creative, authentic and much more that I will discover in time. Here we are, the two of us finding life after death - today I know there is much more to come, how much, I do not know - so we just take it a step at a time in this moment - the only one we really have anyway. I am filled with gratitude and with bursting with joy. Namaste.