Learning, Laughing, Growing

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- Rumi 

                                                                                                 

Life After Death

For the past 5 years I have walked the widowed road - often that road was littered with my own broken dreams and the scorched earth of a life forever changed against my will. 

I have spent hours upon days in solitude weeping for what was lost.  I have spent months and days attempting to make meaning from the journey - the journey none of us ask to take.  I struggled to come to terms with being married in my heart and soul to a man who now was dead - and even as I came to terms with it, my arms still ached to hold him and my spirit longed to have him by my side.   Yes, the scorched earth and rutted path of the grief journey is filled with pain and sorrow and just when you get your breath, here comes more pain and sorrow.

Slowly I emerged - transformed in a million ways - deeply scarred in places known only to me.  November 14 will be six years since my husband passed and I stand here this morning: whole, capable, resourceful, resilient, creative.   I will always have a hole in my heart - there always will be times that I long to hold Tom, "just one more time" - I suspect that will not change until the hour of my own death.  

Here I stand this morning, my feet firmly planted on my path, knowing that the grief journey is never totally over and yet - I have just been given an incredible gift - the gift of an amazing new person in my life. 

A man who has walked his own scorched earth path of the widowed road.  A man who is funny - passionate, creative, authentic and much more that I will discover in time.   Here we are, the two of us  finding life after death - today I know there is much more to come, how much, I do not know - so we just take it a step at a time in this moment - the only one we really have anyway.  I am filled with gratitude and with bursting with joy.  Namaste.

Alive and Loving It

Last night I was standing in the kitchen with my friend and said to him, "today I posted on my blog about you for the first time and I have a feeling it is going to make some widders I know very happy."  His reply, "there is only one widow I want to make happy."  I am speechless, breathless, pinching myself and trying to not let my fear get in the way.  The future is open, the adventure continues - I believe there is much more to come.....

"You can't wait for the storm to be over - you've got to learn to dance in the rain."

Amazement

A new person has come into my life - he is wonderful. He is widowed and ahead of me on the road - he is authentic, funny, smart and warm. I am blessed - I have a feeling that there is much more to come.

Summer Dwindling

I have been silent these past two weeks or so. It is really hot and humid here in Minnesota - more so than usual for this time of year. I have finally wrapped up my work in the homeless shelter while the work in the food bank is popping all over the place. Mother is struggling and I am trying to have a life in the midst of it all. :)

Can someone please, please tell me what happened to my ability to upload photographs on blogger. The icon to upload is gone from the toolbar at the "new post" screen. Is there some new place to find the upload button? I have photos to share and it is frustrating not to be able to do so.

It is supposed to cool down here in the next couple of days and I think we are all looking forward to the relief this weekend. I will do my best to create a longer post soon - there are some neat things happening in my life - I am reaching out to connect with new people in new ways....very exciting. More to come.....