Sunday, February 14, 2010


I know that Valentine's Day is a made-up - Hallmark Card holiday.  I know that it drives us widders (and others) crazy.  I know real love and it is not a cheesy Hallmark kind of thing.

Today is five and one-quarter years or 1,919 days since Tom died.  I can trace back in my heart and soul how far I have come on this journey.  I remember the first year - OMG!  I was a walking zombie - walking with tears streaming down my face most of the time (or weeping at the slightest or absolutely no provocation).  

Today I think of the amazing things that so many people did for me.  On that first Valentines Day in 2005 - I walked into my office, sometime in the late afternoon, to find an incredible bouquet of red, red roses sitting on my desk with a card that said, "Happy Valentines Day from Tom and Me - Love, Lisa" my dearest friend and Evil Twin - who was the first person to arrive at the hospital after both of the bad, bad strokes.  The first person I met when I arrived in Minnesota in 1988.   The woman who gave me sapphire and diamond earrings "from Tom" on my 60th birthday.  One of the people I treasure beyond measure - today and forever.

Last night I watched the movie, "The Time Travelers Wife," which is adapted from one of my favorite books.  At the end of the DVD I couldn't help but wonder:  what it would be like to be able to hold (really hold)  Tom one more time, even if just for a minute.  Today, a few tears have been shed for my love - he whose body is forever gone from me.

It is true that I will love and long for Tom until I leave this earth.  I continue to be filled with deep appreciation that I was given the gift and gave in return, unconditional love.  That love and the grief journey have forever transformed me and transformed my life.  I am a strong and independent woman.  I have good boundaries and I give of myself to others.  I am filled with gratitude at the enormous blessings in my life.  

Thank you to Lisa, and to Joan, and Patsy, and Missy, and Vanessa and Bonnie and Heidi and all the rest - you who know who you are - you, who have walked beside me on this widowed road.  I could never stand here today strong, whole and as healed as I am without each of you.  Namaste.



  1. I can relate to your Valentine's Day feelings. Me, too. My first Valentine's alone, my cousin sent flowers with a card saying she knew Ralph was somewhere thinking of me. This year my son and his family sent a dozen yellow roses. Sweet.

  2. P.S. Just signed up to be your follower. Hope you'll follow my blog, too. Thanks, Thelma Z

  3. Walking with you in gratitude...

  4. What a wonderful post for Valentine's Day Suzann...I love it, and I love you my sweet friend. Beautiful thoughts and warm hugs to you... ~Joy

  5. so glad you are smiling again...the joy in your heart is healing to others.

  6. Suzann,
    thanks for the call yesterday.
    I think you are a great person.
    Not only for to whom you now dedicate
    your efforts, but also for me and many
    more others.

    We both knows - and have learned - from our losses.
    But th great thing is:
    We have learned to give - 'cause we are after all privilaged.

    hugs from
    the Pond

  7. You are amazing, Suzann, and an inspiration to all of us who have been priveleged to share your journey. Thanks are not needed, my sister~ Always... ET