Saturday, May 12, 2007

California - Mom's House

What can I say? I am praying for ----- understanding, empathy, patience and wisdom to know what to do next. I got home and mother's leg from mid-shin to ankle was scarlet with a huge black sore from a piece of wood falling on her leg in the garage.

She told me she had an accident in the garage about three weeks ago, she said "I put put some antibiotic cream and a band-aid on it." Now when you hear "bandaid" you think of a scratch or small cut, right???? OMG, she went to the Doctor on Monday just before I arrived and he told her she almost had blood poisoning.

I went to the Meadows yesterday and took a tour by myself. The Meadows is an age-in-place retirement community in Napa about 12 miles from the house. It is a very nice place - but at every turn the reality of what is happening slaps me in the face.

I am sad and happy at the same time. She is really happy to have me home. I have done a lot of yard work - mulched and planted a bunch of new flowers, staked the tomatoes and planted an eggplant. I love my mom - she is really stubborn. I pray for understanding and guidance. What shall I do next?


  1. My heart goes out to you as I understand what you are going through. I think it is easy for a child or grandchild(like myself) to see the benefits of an age-in place community for our loved ones. I think for the elder who is faced with such a monumental transition it is not easy to see the good that would come from such a move. I continue to try to convince my own Grandmother that change is good. She does still hang on to her independence and resists moving to an assisted living community. I will pray for you and your mother.


  2. I'll pray for guidance for you Suzann...for I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. Your mom doesn't want to give up her independence...mine didn't either. Unfortunately, sometimes these decisions are made for in my case. You are right to look into assisted living for your must be practical about where her life is heading. It's a tough was for my brother and I. My mom's health deteriorated so quickly that even that wasn't an option. Unless you're able to be with her all the time....and often that just can't have to think long and hard at what would really be the best scenario for her....and you. I mean's one of the most difficult decisions any of us can make...and often goes against our loved one's wishes.

    Again...I'm praying for you to stay strong and fine peace in whatever decision you come to....

    This is a very difficult Mother's Day for you, I'm sure....sending you my love sweetie....

  3. suzann, i know what you are going through and send you love and wishes that the answers will fall into place naturally and easily. it is so difficult to deal with these issues and to live far away. it is wise to do your research now before it is mandatory.

    my mother also has a huge purple knot on her shin and lower leg from hitting it on the side of the tub when trying to step over to sit on her shower chair. the tub needs to be removed and an easily accessible shower needs to be she can roll into with a wheelchair. my father who is in denial and hates to spend a penny won't hear of it. she will have to have a terrible accident before he considers this. his presence only complicates this painful picture for my sis and me.

    the future holds much angst, i am afraid. i hope it becomes easier for us both.

  4. This is so very hard...And I see it, of course, from the 'elders' point of view....To have to give up one indelendence...Oh very very hard. I pray that you get the guidence you wish for, dear Suzann...I know you will. This is never an easy transition.

  5. That is a difficult time and I have been there. Fortunately my husband's parents made the choice to go into a retirement apartment. My mother lived on the farm here in her own mobile home and never had to go. The problem is unless you take away her decision by taking over her affairs, it is her choice for now. It's a very tough one. Some kids manage to coerce without legal steps being taken and end up very resented. It's unfortunate that we, the elders, don't make the decision before someone else has to do so as we all end up not capable of living alone if we live long enough. I hope your mother can do that for herself. It's a tough one for them and the family