Thursday, June 30, 2005

Baby Steps

A beautiful sunny morning after a huge thunder storm. The last day of June - my birthday has come and gone - my first in many years without you here to celebrate with me. I had a couple of days of the "black hole" but now am centered again and ready to tackle life anew.

The house looks beautiful - so rich and so new. All very natural - wood, stone, stainless steel, glass - reds and golds. A new environment for this new life I am trying to build. Grief now is like a low grade fever or software that runs constantly in the background. I now actually have days that I can feel joy at being on the planet. I can spontaneously smile and even laugh.

Lots of unpacking to do - everything is in the garage in boxes. I went through everything really well in preparation for the remodel and will do so again as I unpack. If there is not a place in the house for it, if it doesn't have a practical purpose or a sentimental value, it is out of here. Simplify my life, that is what this part is about. No more "stuff."

The furniture is back in the living room and looks gorgeous. I am now aware that I have been moving to this place in both form and color for the last three years. It all fits and is a joy to the senses.

Life now is baby steps, baby steps, baby steps - taking good care of myself - physically, mentally, spiritually.

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