Learning to be Whole Again

Optimistic - I feel optimism for the first time. A sense that the future is ahead and there is a newly forged life about to begin. As the first anniversary of your passing comes I am often ambushed with the deep longing for you. I want, I long, I wish, for you and for our life together. I cry in 10 minutes increments several times aday.

Now we come to this new place = the place that honors our life, the place that recognizes all we gave to one another, the place that is grateful for our love and the new place to which I am moving. A life - a new place and pace - a resolve to be here on the planet and take the next steps.

Life Moves On

We are now rushing towards the 12 month - one year - day of your death - see, I wrote it, said it. Since I last blogged I have finally traveled away from this home, this state = TWICE. I have been in Florida and in the pool with Joan and in Philadelphia with our children and grandchildren.

How I long for you, Tom. How I miss your tall body = your hearty laugh = your little butt = your broad shoulders = your loving arms = your objectivity = your physical loving presence in my life.

Olivia is an incredible young girl - I know how much you love her. At one point I was sitting on the deck and she came up to hug me and I said, "do you remember Grampa?" - she looked at me with this perfect look of "have you lost your mind?" and said - "of course."

Evan is really beautiful - I wish you could hold him and see him.

Oh my darling - life moves on but oh so slowly without you.