The "L" Word

OK, OK - I'll bet you thought I had taken a slow boat to another continent.  Well, in some ways I did.  I have so many things to write about - the one I want to share tonight is that I am in love.  Yes, that's right, the "L" word.  I also am loved.  That's right the "L" word.  It is amazing. 

The guy and I have walked a path the last 15 months - singly, together - whatever.  We have done the dance - the dance in happy; the dance in the rain - the dance that is scared beyond belief (we both know what it is like to lose the love of your life); the run forward - quick, run back. 

Tonight, I can say with a glad heart and a sense of contentment - we love one another.  The kind of love that one holds carefully and with joy.  The kind of love that is steady, and feels oh so true. The kind of love that acknowledges the preciousness of life.

Right now, we are in the vigil-time of the loss of our spouses - he on October 27 (14 years) - me on November 14 (7 years).  We talk about it, cry together, comfort one another and give each other space to be lost in our memories.  And through it all - we are here in the blessed here and now. 

I have so many things I want to write - I hope each of you are well - I send my love.   In my darkest hours I never thought the sun would shine again and I certainly never imagined that I would say the "L" word from the bottom of my heart.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.  One thing I know for sure - Tom wants me to be happy.  There is truly much more to come.

Baby Steps

I have not updated the blog in a couple of weeks. It has been a time of patience, impatience, sadness, joy, reflection and waiting. The guy and I continue to see one another and enjoy each other's company. He is a wonderful man and I truly care about him as he also cares deeply about me. We will take baby steps and see where it leads.

I am strong and resilient in my approach to life and to the future. Sadness (as you know) is just a part of being alive - on balance I certainly have more joy than sadness these days and that is a blessing.

Knowing when to move forward and when to step back. Knowing when to continue and when to stop. Knowing - I pray for patience and also know that I have this "one wild and precious life" and I want certain things. I deserve to be with someone who adores me and will allow me to adore them. I deserve to have the passion and excitement of new love that matures and mellows with time - always with that spark. So here we are - baby steps, baby steps, baby steps into the future. For now, we are taking those steps holding hands......there is more to come.

Laughter and Love

My life is abundant with blessings.  My work is bearing fruit.  My relationship with this blue-eyed guy is amazing.  There is laughter in my life.  There is love in my life.  There is companionship.   What a joy to do life's simple things and have a friend and lover to do them with - cooking a meal, raking the leaves, walking the dog, making the bed.  Simple everyday things that are so precious to share with someone else.

I have laughed more in the last three months than I have laughed in the previous five years - real laughter - the kind that makes your stomach hurt.  Real joy.  Real sharing.  Real caring.

This relationship is easy.  We have many, many shared values.  We both have walked the widowed road and know some very deep and dark truths.  We spend time together and time apart.  We laugh together and we have cried together.  There is respect.  There is affection - oh those kisses!  So one small step at a time - here on the other side of a very long road - my feet on a new path.   My heart filled with gratitude and with wonder at what is happening in my life.  Namaste.

I'm Ready.....