Thursday, March 31, 2011

Update Two

Just when you think everything is OK -- last Sunday, my weird symptoms returned. Sunday afternoon I went to the Emergency Room and they kept me for observation. I had another MRI on Sunday evening and it was conclusive that not only was I not having another incident, they no longer could see the mark from the earlier stroke.

On Monday, I had the heart test (TEE) to be sure I had no heart abnormality that could cause problems - that test came back totally negative. The neurologist told me that cardiologists generally find something wrong with everyone's heart and couldn't find anything wrong with mine.

Dr. H thinks that perhaps my anxiety got the best of me on Sunday - after all I know too much (first-hand) about what a stroke can do to a person in the long-term.

On Monday late afternoon I was released from the hospital and given a clean bill of health. I can return to working out and resume all my daily activities. I was given quite a bit of sedatives for all these tests and so I slept most of the day Tuesday. I also have taken some quiet time to reflect on everything that happened - it had a positive outcome and for that, I am very grateful. I am here now and ready to resume my life journey.

What a trip this has been - thank you for your messages, prayers and positive thoughts. I have been off my exercise and eating program for a week and am ready to jump back in.

I am totally grateful for my life, for the sunshine outside my window right now, for my friends that helped me during this past week, for my home, for the Spring that is happening under the melting snow, and that I can return = renewed and ready for the next steps on the journey.

Thank you so much for being my companions and my inspiration on the journey.

Friday, March 25, 2011


I just came back from Neurologist. They think I might have had a little stroke,  not a TIA, a stroke for god's sake - amazing.

The doc thought so too - he said that with my profile of healthy eating, lots of exercise, no clogged arteries (MRI looked at my carotid arteries and all the arteries in my neck going to brain), no heart problems, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol - that I am "the last in line" for a stroke. Go figure. The MRI showed a tiny "scar" on the left side of my thalamus - a tiny pinpoint that happened in the last 3-4 days.

 I am fine - the dizziness and tingly hand and foot have resolved themselves. My energy is coming back. Of course, after watching Tom have a stroke in front of me - after living nearly 5 years in stroke disability and recovery - it makes me sad and a bit nervous. The doc said to not worry - I am healthy and that it was an isolated incident. He will continue to see me and monitor things for a while. So strange - I am so healthy - no medications, no "conditions", not much illness to speak of.

Sure has made me reflect and take time to think - I didn't sleep much last night. I am going to take a nap now - it has been a really full couple of days. Life is mysterious. I love each of you very much - you are a treasure to me. Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. xo

Thursday, March 24, 2011


For the past three days I have been feeling dizzy, a bit disoriented, and a little clumsy once in awhile. Yesterday I stayed home and slept all day. Today I went to the doctor.

I am not a person who is a big user of western medicine. I am very healthy. I take no prescription medications. I workout most days every week - weight training, pilates, and cardio. I eat healthy - lean protein, veggies, whole grains. I do NOT eat fast food, EVER. I do not smoke - five years now. By and large - I am healthy, active, vital.

It turns out that sometime in the last 2 to 3 days I had a very small stroke - OMG = my faithful readers know I have a history with stroke - that is what killed Tom. This was a tiny TIA but still - what a shock. I had an MRI today and a full cardio workup - I have no clogged arteries - I have nothing that needs surgery or other intervention. Tomorrow I go to the neurologist. The doctor wants me to take a full aspirin a day - instead of the two baby aspirin I usually take.

This has been a scary thing - but yet, the doc wanted to rule out brain tumor so I guess all is good. Life is precious - make sure you are living it the way you want. More to come........

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Baby Steps

I have not updated the blog in a couple of weeks. It has been a time of patience, impatience, sadness, joy, reflection and waiting. The guy and I continue to see one another and enjoy each other's company. He is a wonderful man and I truly care about him as he also cares deeply about me. We will take baby steps and see where it leads.

I am strong and resilient in my approach to life and to the future. Sadness (as you know) is just a part of being alive - on balance I certainly have more joy than sadness these days and that is a blessing.

Knowing when to move forward and when to step back. Knowing when to continue and when to stop. Knowing - I pray for patience and also know that I have this "one wild and precious life" and I want certain things. I deserve to be with someone who adores me and will allow me to adore them. I deserve to have the passion and excitement of new love that matures and mellows with time - always with that spark. So here we are - baby steps, baby steps, baby steps into the future. For now, we are taking those steps holding hands......there is more to come.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

After Changes Upon Changes

I do not know what lies just ahead. I have blogged that I believed the man who I have been sharing my life experiences with the past seven months was here in my life for awhile. It appears I was correct.

We care deeply for one another - we have fun and laugh incessantly. We have made some wonderful memories. We hold hands and hug and kiss a million times a day when we are together. We do the simple things of life that are so important and we have fun doing so. It appears that it all is about to be just that - wonderful memories.

Am I sad? Of course! Will I live? Absolutely. Once you have had your heart abruptly torn out, there is little that can happen to bring you down for long.

As I wrote in the beginning - I don't know what the next steps are between us. We will be friends - but if this moves forward in this manner then we will not see one another for a bit - I can't change channels that fast.

Yesterday, I stayed home and stayed in bed, reading, reflecting and yes, shedding a few tears. He and I talked on the phone several times. Today, he still sent me his early morning text - we talked at 5:30 am like we do everyday. Today - the sun is shining. I am up and ready to go to work. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps into my future. That is all any of us can do. Namaste.